If you’ve ever watched porn, you’ve probably noticed that the vast majority of it is fast and furious. It’s only very rarely that you’ll see slow sex featured in porn, making slow sex seem like it’s not sexy or exciting.
But that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Contrary to what pornstars may show, slower sex can be incredibly hot, especially when you and your partner are on the same page. Not convinced? You will be.
Benefits of Slow Sex
Unless your entire focus of having sex with your partner is to just get it over with (in which case a sexologist or couples therapist may be a good idea), there are plenty of benefits to slowing it down and taking your time. It doesn’t matter if you are having vaginal sex, oral sex, or anal sex; for the best sex of your life, it pays to slow it down.
Slow sex can help you connect even more deeply with your partner. Sex is great, but sex with a strong emotional connection or “making love” can feel even better. (Much of that comes down to eye contact, by the way, which is scientifically proven to make you feel even closer.)
When you add that to all of the hormones and endorphins coursing through your body when you’re sexually intimate with someone, the result is an intense physical and emotional closeness.
Slowing it down can also help increase the odds of having an orgasm. Scientifically, those born with female anatomy take longer to get aroused and are less likely to be able to achieve orgasm regularly (with penetrative sex alone, that is).
Taking your time with your partner helps you get them aroused and gives them the time and space to get off without feeling rushed.
How To Have Slow Sex
There’s more to slow sex than not moving as quickly. Here are a few tips to slow down and enjoy the ride even more.
Embrace the Build-Up
Slow sex isn’t just about intercourse; it starts before you even put your hands on your partner. Talk to your partner about your intentions to take things slow, and consider sending them R-rated, sexy text messages about what you plan to do to them later.
You’ll get them aroused, and by the time they come home and it’s time to go for it, they’ll be begging you to touch them.
Don't Skip Foreplay
Whether you’re going jackrabbit fast or super slow, foreplay is a must. No sex life can be satisfying long-term if you always just skip right to penetration. And don’t be fooled by the old, mistaken belief that foreplay is only something cisgender women need.
Everyone can benefit from being given the time and attention to get fully aroused before the main event. Foreplay is much more diverse and fun than you think, and it doesn’t have to be just a stepping stone to having sex.
Keep Your Clothes On
When was the last time you made out with your partner? Not just some kissing before taking your clothes off, but making out for the sake of making out. There’s a lot to be said for spending time just kissing your partner like you would have when you were teenagers.
Don’t be in such a rush to get your clothes off — slow things down with plenty of kissing and light touching.
Use Your Hands
Once things have gotten hot and heavy, keep things slow and intentional by starting with your hands only. Handjobs (with plenty of lube, of course), fingering, and even fisting can increase arousal even further. Try finding your partner’s G-spot or P-spot.
You can even try mutual masturbation, where you lay next to each other and pleasure yourself before moving on to touching each other. Or put on a show for your partner, letting them watch you touch yourself until they can’t hold back touching you, too.
If you and your partner are both consenting, break out the sex toys and take turns using them on each other.
Give and Receive Oral
If you’ve been sexually active with a partner with a penis for a while, you probably feel like you could give them a blowjob in your sleep. How hard can it be, right?
So much of sex can become a habit, especially when you’ve been with someone for a long time. Even if you’ve been blowing your partner for years, there’s always something more to learn.
Oral sex is an art. Instead of treating it like a means to an end, enjoy the sexual experience of pleasing your partner and learn all about what gets their juices flowing.
If your partner has a vagina, don’t just focus on the clitoris. Try our Awaken Arousal Oil and explore their entire anatomy with your hands — and mouth.
Use Your Whole Body To Stimulate Your Partner
Have you ever tried giving your partner a lap dance? There’s something about using your body to turn your partner on that feels empowered, and who doesn’t love to be the center of attention?
When you have slow sex with your partner, you can take that feeling and expand it even further.
Use every part of your body to stimulate your partner, mentally and physically. Grind on them; use your hands, fingers, tongue, or whatever turns them on (you can even give feet a chance in the spotlight). Don’t be afraid to experiment or ask your partner what feels good.
Set the Pace
Once things get going, it can be tempting to speed it up and bang it out. That’s why it’s crucial to set and keep the pace, even if one partner has to be “in charge.” You can turn this into a hot roleplay situation in bed (with consent, of course).
Another way to slow down and set the pace is to have tantric sex. Tantra is a Sanskrit word that means “to weave.” The philosophy goes far beyond just sexuality, though. Tantric sex is a way to weave your life with your partner’s through intimacy, using sex positions (like cowgirl) that enhance eye contact and allow you to touch each other’s erogenous zones more freely.
Take a Break
Having slow sex, especially when you have no deadlines or appointments and can just stay in bed all day, means you can decide when (and how many times) you get off.
If you want to keep the fun going, take a break, catch your breath, hydrate, and even grab a snack.
Taking a break can also work as a form of edging, where you get your partner to the brink of orgasm before backing off. When you’re ready to get off, the final result is often far more powerful and satisfying than any quickie orgasm could ever be. It’s also a great way to help people who suffer from premature ejaculation last longer.
Give Your Lover Enough Time
Not everyone can reach climax regularly, and there is no standard amount of time it takes for people that do to get there. Another benefit of slow sensual sex is that you can take the pressure off your partner — there is no deadline.
Communicate with your partner that you’re in it to win it and that you’ll work as hard as they need to get them over the edge. Once they feel like they can relax and be vulnerable with you, it takes the stress off, and they’ll be more likely to get there.
Everyone deserves to have satisfying sex, so don’t put up with anything less for a minute longer. Passionate sex doesn’t always have to be hard, fast, and dirty.
Taking your time with your partner and appreciating some mindfully slow romantic sex can help make intimacy even more mind-blowing.
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