The times, they are a-changin’.
As society sheds outmoded ideas about gender, sex, and pleasure – and it’s about time! – more and more people with prostates have begun to discover the considerable power of this shy and unassuming organ.
We might not think about prostates much, except as a source of health problems both major and merely annoying. But if you’re open to giving this special gland a little gentle love, you might be rewarded with new heights of pleasure.
The prostate’s “official” purpose is secreting a fluid that makes up most of the volume of semen, since sperm cells are tiny, and they need a strong push to get where they need to go. That’s just a prostate’s day job, though. It’s also intimately connected with nerve structures throughout the pelvis, and when stimulated, it can function very much like the G-spot.
Experienced practitioners of prostate pleasure describe P-spot orgasms as bigger, more expansive, and much more of a full-body experience than penis orgasms alone. And if you’re already familiar with G-spot orgasms, you can get there using very similar techniques – but first you have to get there.
Overcoming mental blocks may be the biggest obstacle to achieving your first prostate orgasm. Being penetrated, even solo, can be an intensely vulnerable experience, especially when a lot of those old ideas about sex and gender are still hanging around in our heads – and that’s okay!
We're all exposed to a variety of associations with when it comes to anal penetration – so if it‘s something you’re curious about, but not sure, start slow. Some folks have enjoyed using our Intimacy Suppositories as a starting point, allowing them to melt tension in the pelvis and build relaxation through the back of the body.
If it helps, getting to know and love your prostate may confer significant health benefits. Regular stimulation can reduce inflammation and improve bloodflow. And since prostate problems are usually very treatable with early detection, you’ll be more likely to identify health concerns before they become an issue, and talk about them with your doctor in more detail.
But that’s not much fun. Prostate orgasms, on the other hand, certainly are.
To get you started down the road to a transformative P-spot experience, we spoke to two of our favorite experts on erotic adventures of all kinds. Sit back, relax, and read on. (Or maybe don’t sit, but definitely relax…)
Luna is a Sex, Pleasure and Body Confidence Educator with over 10 years experience teaching sexual health and wellness workshops. She celebrates body confidence, self-adoration and building shame-free pleasure in our lives. Luna is a self-identified craft slut; she created Peg the Patriarchy as part of her line of sex-positive and feminist t-shirts. You can easily find Luna making nipple pasties, talking about butt stuff or kinky things.
What are the main benefits of prostate massage for someone with a prostate?
All those nerve endings in the prostate have the potential for lots of pleasure benefits! Prostate pleasure can be orgasmic, but prostate massages can also serve pleasure in the form of relaxation, experiencing a new erogenous zone, a pairing to penis pleasure, and the curious excitement of trying something different. There isn't enough research to conclusively support a link between prostate stimulation and prostate cancer prevention, but some research has shown that prostate massage can be used for diagnoses and treatment of some prostate conditions - best to speak with your doctor if that's your case.
How can a person or couple who haven't explored prostate play before start to incorporate this into their sexual intimacy?
If you're exploring prostate play for the first time, you want lots of lube, lots of communication and lots of patience. The receiver can benefit from exploring anal penetration on their own first with with a finger, a buttplug, or a prostate massager toy to get a sense of their own body's responses, sensations and pace. This can help the prostate play receiver give more feedback and direction to support their giver. Discuss prostate play before it happens in a non-sexy time, and partners can try dedicating a dedicated playdate to focus on the prostate owner's pleasure – in and out of their butt!
What are the best prostate massage techniques for a beginner?
Try using a prostate massager toy and a long-lasting lube, like silicone. Relax, take the pressure off of orgasm, and sink into the sensations, taking breaks when you need to. The massage might make the prostate-owner feel like they have to pee, so be aware if that becomes a source of discomfort and distraction. You can start off outside of the butt by massaging the prostate externally through the perineum, and then moving to stimulating outside of the anus with massage and lubricant, and finally slipping in one finger and curling it towards their belly button. Prostate massage should be firm and consistent, not jabby or weak pressure. Sometimes a prostate massage toy is good option because the shape makes it easy to find and stimulate the prostate.
Ashley Manta is an award-winning sex educator and coach and has become a sought-after authority on mindfully combining sex and cannabis as part of her CannaSexual® brand. She appeared on the cover of Sexual Health Magazine in January 2019, along with the designation, "America's High Priestess of Pleasure." She recently completed her certification as a Bodysex® Facilitator after studying with legendary pleasure pioneer Betty Dodson.
What would you say to someone who’s totally new to P-spot pleasure?
I would encourage a curious prostate owner to explore on their own first. Perhaps in the shower or during masturbation. If they want to get nerdy, read Dr. Charlie Glickman's book, The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure, which lays out techniques and best practices in an accessible, easy-to-digest format. Pacing, communication, breathing, and copious amounts of lube are all essential for incorporating any type of anal play into intimacy. Also, using plant allies like Foria’s suppositories can improve the experience exponentially.
What are some of the pleasure benefits of stimulating the prostate?
The potential for more intense orgasms and ejaculatory experiences is one of the main reasons people explore prostate play. Prostate stimulation can also be highly relaxing for the prostate owner, and exploring vulnerability in safe and intentional ways and releasing shame around societal taboos can feel liberating.
What are some of your favorite techniques for making friends with a prostate?
One important thing to keep in mind is that prostate stimulation can be either internal or external. Some folks are not open to receiving penetrative anal stimulation and it’s important to know that you can still enjoy prostate stimulation, even from the outside, via the perineum. Firm massaging pressure on the perineum can be highly pleasurable whether solo or partnered. You could also use a vibrating toy externally.
For those who are open to penetration, it’s important to start slow and engage in plenty of warm up with copious amounts of lube – and keep breathing. This is not a race to the prostate, it’s a slow, gradual process where it is important to listen to your body and go at the pace that feels right for you.
With either a gloved or clean and manicured finger, begin by covering the finger and the anal opening with plenty of lube. Explore how you enjoy sensations when you stroke, massage and tap the outside. When you’re ready for penetration, be patient and make sure that you’re breathing slowly and deeply every time you insert more of the finger.
The prostate can be found by pointing at the belly button, meaning if you are lying on your back the prostate is up, and if you’re laying on your stomach the prostate is down. It’s about the size of a walnut and feels a bit like the tip of your nose. It’s usually a few inches inside the body. Once you locate it, experiment with different types of touch: circles, tapping, strokes of varying lengths. Continue breathing and be with your body’s pleasure and sensations.
You may notice yourself flushing and a sensation of heat building in your body as you approach orgasm. That’s normal. Stay with it! You may also enjoy adding other types of stimulation simultaneously, like nipple play, or stroking your front genital area. Experiment and see what works best for you! If you are exploring with a partner, make sure to communicate clearly and ask for what you need. The partner being penetrated should be in full control of the pacing and direction of the stimulation.
All’s Well That Ends Well
Again, openness to any form of sexual pleasure that we might have considered taboo requires being patient and loving to ourselves. It’s essential to both body and mind to be truly comfortable with what we’re doing, and if anything feels wrong, stop!
But at the end of the day, millions of happy prostate-havers can’t be wrong. Go slow, be gentle. go crazy with the lube – and happy exploring!