“If intimacy grows through repetition and familiarity, eroticism is numbed by repetition. It thrives on the mysterious, the novel, and the unexpected.” – Esther Perel, “Mating in Captivity”
If you read our blogs regularly, you’ll know we’re passionate advocates of “slow sex.” We center most of our advice around slowing down, being fully present in your body, savoring the sensations, and carving out enough time to truly explore and experience the pleasure your body is capable of.
All this is very true and important, but there’s a reason why a brief sexual encounter (or a quickie) has long been celebrated as some of the most passionate, exciting, intoxicating, and occasionally hilarious sex one can have. Unconvinced? Hear us out — we’ll have you timing how quickly you and your partner can please each other in no time.
What Is a Quickie?
The word of the day is quickie. No magical amount of time separates a quickie from the intercourse you typically have; the definition of quickie only centers on the length of time. Think of quickies as a condensed version of your usual sexual routine, only without all the usual bells and whistles.
Everyone defines quickie differently — if you’re used to having marathon sex sessions that start with an hour of foreplay, getting it on in the span of half an hour is going to seem quick.
Quickies are also frequently done outside of the bedroom. If you only have a few minutes, and the backseat of your car, the janitor’s closet, or the bathroom at the club is where you happen to find yourself, a quickie can help you make the best of it.
Why a Quickie?
Now that we’ve answered “what is a quickie,” let’s dig into the why.
Sex without a time limit is optimal, but don’t count out the humble quickie as a way to spice up your sex life. The eroticism of the quickie often hinges on the idea of sex under pressure — either due to time constraints or the fear of getting caught. Quickies are also great for engaging our largest sex organ, our minds, by mixing up your usual routine.
Plus, quickies can be incredibly intimate, contrary to their reputation as a route to purely physical satisfaction. And don’t believe the myth that a quickie doesn’t include foreplay like oral sex, hand-play, or sex toys. It just might be quick.
Quick sex can also be awkward and uncomfortable and may result in injury, scandal, or even legal trouble (if you get caught having sex in public!). Fortunately, there are ways to avoid these risks and ensure your quickie is one for the history books – for the right reasons.
Plus, studies have shown that it only takes between three and 13 minutes for most people to have good sex, although that varies depending on gender. Why draw out your juicy sexual activity just because?
When Is the Best Time for a Quickie?
The best time to have a quickie is when you’re horny but don’t have a lot of time! It’s as simple as that. Quickies are built for streamlining your sexual intimacy, so if you’re hot and bothered, but you both have someplace to be, they give you the perfect opportunity to still get off without running (too) late.
How Do You Have a Hot Quickie?
The very premise of the quickie is about spontaneity, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t ways to make it even hotter. After all, what is a quickie, if not a way to make your sex life even hotter? Here are our latest and greatest sex tips for your next quickie:
Yes, you can prepare for a quickie! It’s a great way to let the tension build. The trick is not to over-prepare and kill the spontaneity, but you can definitely scope out locations and situations to passionately push your partner towards when inspiration strikes. Closets, kitchen counters, the backseat of the car (even when it’s parked in the garage) — the possibilities are endless.
Dress for easy access. Fumbling with clothes can get awkward quick, and trying to negotiate your way out of a stubborn pair of tights or, heaven forbid, a bodysuit can kill the mood — especially when you’re in someone else’s bathroom (or your own bathroom that you’re pretending is someone else’s because of COVID restrictions). Dress loose and open, and consider skipping the undies.
Nonverbal communication is also essential to a mutually satisfying encounter. Take the time to let the pressure build, even if the main event only takes a few minutes! A glance across the room, a stolen whisper in the hallway, a clandestine meeting agreement, all can set the stage and get the turn-on juices flowing.
And speaking of juice — lube just makes everything better. The right lube protects delicate genital tissues, enhances pleasure for everyone involved, and makes all types of sex way more fun. Many of us actually need lube to have comfortable penetrative sex, especially if we take a while to get wet.
And unlike what you see in porn, just ramming it in can hurt. Keep your favorite lube on hand because you never know when you’ll need it, and consider using a CBD suppository ahead of time to encourage relaxation and even more natural lubrication.
The best quickie positions are — we had you going, didn’t we? Throw the rules out the window when it comes to quickies! If you and your partner have a tried-and-true position that always works for you, and you can make it work in the locale you’ve chosen, great!
But don’t forget, quickies are also an excellent opportunity to try new things position-wise, provided your physical conditioning is up for it. (Don’t try lifting your partner unless you know you easily can, for instance. Throwing out your back is definitely not sexy.) Try having sex against the wall from behind, on a kitchen counter with the receiving partner’s legs lifted, sitting face-to-face – the sky’s the limit.
The freedom quickies give you to experiment positioning is also a great lead-in to the next, and possibly most important, point.
Deemphasize orgasm. Realistically, many people of all genders won’t be able to reach sexual release during a quickie (it takes those with vulvas an average of 14 minutes, for example). And you know what? That’s just fine. The act itself, the passion and urgency, the intimate bonding, and the drama of it all make a quickie so much fun.
If you can orgasm in minutes, pretzeled up in some tight space — great! If you can’t, that’s great too. Be in the moment, don’t stress about achieving a goal, and have playful fun with it. You can even think of a quickie as long-term foreplay, allowing you to revisit as your own “dirty movie” and savor it when you have more time later on.
Nevertheless, don’t neglect the clitoris. Those of us with clitorises often need a lot of focused stimulation to experience sexual fulfillment, with or without orgasm. Stimulating the clitoris will also help enhance arousal and increase pleasure, both locally and internally. If your partner has a tough time reaching orgasm, there is never any shame in taking matters into your own hands.
What is a quickie if not wild, dirty, and free? It’s one of the most beautiful things about them! Being overcome with passion that must be satisfied right now is hot as hell – make sure your partner knows it! If you don’t usually talk dirty or get bossy, and you know your lover is into it, there’s no time like the present.
This also brings us to…
Consent is always a must, of course, and it’s ever-evolving. Forceful, passionate spontaneity can tip over into “whoa, I’m not okay with this” relatively quickly (especially for people with pre-existing sexual trauma). Make sure you and your partner are comfortable with communicating if something starts feeling painful or just isn’t your vibe.
Pay extra attention to nonverbal and verbal cues to ensure everyone stays safe and everything continues to be consensual. Remember, consent can be revoked at any time, even in committed, long-term relationships.
It should also be said that, although the risk of getting caught is a huge part of what makes a good quickie so memorable, involving nonconsenting parties in your sex life is Not Cool. That includes family, friends, and random passers-by. Enjoy the thrill, but be mindful that you aren’t the only people on earth – even though, if you’ve done it right, you might feel like you are. You don’t want to end up with a ticket or a trip to jail instead of the orgasm you were after.
The Bottom Line
What is a quickie? Only one of the best ways to be spontaneous without having to spend hours getting down. Sex doesn’t have to be lengthy to be pleasurable, and nothing proves that more than the humble quickie. The next time you’re in the mood but don’t have much time, don’t put off intimacy. Find a quiet area and get down to business. It’s hotter than you think, and your relationship will thank you.
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