Why a quickie?
“If intimacy grows through repetition and familiarity, eroticism is numbed by repetition. It thrives on the mysterious, the novel, and the unexpected.” – Esther Perel, “Mating in Captivity”
If you read our blogs regularly, you’ll know we’re passionate advocates of “slow sex”. Most of our advice centers on slowing down, dropping in with your body, savoring sensation, and carving out enough time to truly explore and experience the pleasure your body is capable of.
All this is very true and important, but there’s a reason why the quickie has long been celebrated as some of the most passionate, exciting, intoxicating, and occasionally hilarious sex one can have. The eroticism of the quickie often hinges on the idea of sex under pressure, either time constraints or the fear of getting caught – both of which engage our largest sex organ, our minds. And quickies can be incredibly intimate, contrary to their popular reputation as a route to purely physical satisfaction.
They can also be awkward and uncomfortable, and may result in injury, social opprobrium, or legal trouble. Fortunately, there are ways to avoid real risk and ensure your quickie is one for the history books – for the right reasons.
Yes, you can prepare for a quickie! It’s a great way to let the tension build. The trick is not to over-prepare and kill the spontaneity, but you can certainly scope locations and situations towards which to passionately push your partner when inspiration strikes. Closets, kitchen counters, the backseat of the car (even when it’s parked in the garage)... the possibilities are endless.
Dress for easy access. Fumbling with clothes gets awkward quickly, and trying to negotiate a stubborn pair of tights or, heaven forbid, a bodysuit can kill the mood, especially when you’re in someone else’s bathroom (or your own bathroom that you’re pretending is someone else’s because of COVID restrictions). Think loose and open, and consider skipping the undies.
Nonverbal communication is essential to a mutually satisfying encounter. Make time to let the pressure build, even if the main event takes minutes! A glance across the room, a stolen whisper in the hallway, a clandestine agreement to meet – all can set the stage and get the juices flowing.
Speaking of flowing juices… Lube makes everything better. It protects delicate genital tissues, enhances pleasure for everyone, and it’s just more fun. Many of us actually need lube to have comfortable penetrative sex, especially if we take a while to get wet. And unlike what you see in porn, just ramming it in can hurt. Keep your favorite lube on hand, because you never know when you’ll need it. And consider using a CBD suppository ahead of time to encourage natural lubrication.
The best quickie positions are… guess what, there aren’t any rules here! If you and your partner have a tried-and-true position that always works for you, and you can make it work in the locale you’ve chosen, great – but quickies are also a great opportunity to try new things position-wise, provided your physical conditioning is up for it. (Don’t try lifting your partner unless you know you easily can, for instance.) Try against the wall from behind, on a kitchen counter with legs lifted, sitting face-to-face – the sky’s the limit. Freedom of positioning is a great lead-in to the next, and possibly most important, point…
Deemphasize orgasm. Realistically, a whole lot of people of all genders won’t be able to climax during a quickie. And you know what? That’s just fine. The act itself, the passion and urgency, the intimate bonding, the drama of it all, is what makes a quickie so much fun. If you can orgasm in minutes, pretzeled up in some close space – great! If you can’t, that’s great too. Be in the moment, don’t stress about achieving a goal, and have playful fun with it. You can even think of a quickie as long-term foreplay, to revisit as your own “dirty movie” and savor when you have more time later on.
Nevertheless, don’t neglect the clitoris. People with clitorises often need a lot of focused stimulation to experience sexual fulfillment, with or without orgasm. Also, stimulating the clitoris will help enhance arousal and increase pleasure both locally and internally. If your partner can’t easily reach, there is never shame in taking matters into your own hands.
Wild, dirty and free. Quickies are all about getting down and dirty, and that’s one of the most wonderful things about them. Being overcome with passion that must be satisfied right now is hot as hell – make sure your partner knows it! If you don’t usually talk dirty or get bossy, and you know your lover is into it, there’s no time like the spontaneous present. Which brings us to…
Consent is always a must, of course, and it’s ever-evolving. Forceful, passionate spontaneity can tip over into “whoa, I’m not okay with this” rather quickly. Make sure you and your partner are comfortable with communicating if something starts feeling painful, or not your vibe in general. Pay extra attention to nonverbal cues as well as verbal ones, to make sure everyone stays safe.
And although the risk of getting caught is a huge part of what makes a good quickie so memorable, involving nonconsenting parties in your sex life is Not Cool. That includes family, friends, and random passers-by. Enjoy the thrill, but be mindful that you aren’t the only people on earth – even though, if you’ve done it right, you might feel like you are.
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