New Year's Resolutions For Your Sex Life

It’s the New Year! And in Internet land, that means it’s time for endless listicles about New Year’s resolutions. Work out more, eat better, be more productive, finally lose those bad habits… you know the drill. 

Most New Year’s resolutions aren’t much fun. Most of the listicles aren’t much fun either. We’re glad to report that this one will be different.

It’s about affirming, not condemning. It’s about resolving to have more fun, and pleasure, and orgasms, and intimacy, and the physical and mental wellbeing that arises from having all the great sex you want. 

So this year, consider decluttering some bedroom habits you may not even be aware of – that could get in the way of the pleasure, joy and fulfillment (and lots and lots of orgasms) you deserve. 

New Year, New You (In Bed)

These affirmations are a starting point! Try keeping a journal of the thoughts, feelings and ideas that arise when you consider your intimate patterns and how you express yourself sexually. You know yourself better than anyone when it comes to pleasure – and you’re in charge.

Affirmation one – I will communicate my needs and ask for what I want. Even when I’m worried about being rejected, even when I’m nervous, even when I’m not sure how to express myself. And if I need a little time, space and patience to identify what I want and need? I’ll ask for that too!

Affirmation two – I will learn what I need to get to an enthusiastic “yes”. During a sexual experience, I’ll check in with my body, my heart, and my mind. I’ll make sure I’m saying “yes” to physical intimacy that honors all the parts of me. If I’m not at that “yes” yet, I’ll share what I’d need to get there – or ask for something that would feel even better for me.

Affirmation three – I will commit to understanding my own pleasure via intimacy with myself. I’ll actively build a relationship with my own pleasure through masturbation and loving self-touch. If my masturbation routine has become, well, routine, I’ll change it up – maybe with a new tool or toy, or with my own hands if tools and toys have become commonplace.

Affirmation three – I will not endure! I will no longer allow sex to continue if it’s painful, uncomfortable, boring, or if I’m just not enjoying myself. I’ll stop prioritizing my partner’s enjoyment at the expense of my own, because the habit of enduring can dampen my libido and put my own pleasure out of reach.

Affirmation four – I will explore the potential of fantasy. Many people have one or more core themes that we always find erotic, but draw a blank when asked to name a specific fantasy. This may be because we take our turn-ons for granted, and it’s time to check in with them. I will ask my turn-ons to tell me a story, and let them take me on an adventure – for my pleasure, for my partner’s if I have one, and for the potential of transformative self-knowledge.

Any time is a good time for erotic affirmation. 

New Year’s Day is fundamentally an arbitrary date, chosen by some ancient dudes a long time ago (we can’t even be bothered to look it up). Just because it’s a traditional time for personal change in Western culture, that doesn’t mean it’s the right time for you.

So if you need to drop a pin in it and come back to these tips on Valentine’s Day, or Beltane, or your birthday, or Arbor Day – do! It’s all about you, growing in pleasure on your own terms, no matter what the calendars (and the listicles!) say.

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