Sex is beautiful and complex, but many of us have sexual fantasies we’ve never told anyone about out of fear of judgment. Unfortunately, some fantasies have gotten an unearned reputation as more “taboo” than others.
Let’s blast through all that unfair stigma — you’ll find that your sexual fantasies are far more common than you think!
#1) Multi-Partner Sex
If you’ve ever envisioned yourself at the center of a pile of ecstasy-filled, naked individuals lost in deep pleasure, you’re not alone. Sexual fantasies involving multiple partners, from threesomes to full-on orgies, are incredibly common.
Justin Lehmiller, a PhD-level researcher from the prestigious Kinsey Institute, recently wrote a book on the subject. After polling 4,000 participants, he found that threesomes were the most reported sexual fantasy of all of them!
But what makes the thought of group sex so hot?
Although everyone has different motivations for why they’re into it (consciously or unconsciously), the reality is that multi-partner sex makes you the center of attention. And what’s more exciting than having that many people find you unbearably sexy, and act on it, too?
That’s not the only fantasy people have about multi-partner sex, though. Another way to experience it is through polyamory, the term for having relationships with more than one person simultaneously.
There are many ways to practice polyamory; some prefer to stick with purely sexual relationships, while others want to find loving, long-term ones. With the proper consent and communication, anything is possible.
#2) Romantic Sex
Although it may sound straight out of a romance novel, many people regularly fantasize about having more romantic sex with their partner. Think about being wined, dined, and, well… you know the rest.
Romantic sex fantasies were the only kind "nice girls" were allowed to have for a very long time, and now the pendulum has swung the other direction. Romantic sex might be a fantasy nobody talks about because it feels hopelessly square or old-fashioned, when it seems like everyone else in the world is into hyper-raunchy kink these days.
But romantic sexual fantasies can make you feel important, adored, and cared about. Intimate eye contact, plenty of foreplay, soft touching, and making out are the hallmarks of romantic sex. It may be on the lower side of the kink scale, but it’s just as valid as any other sexual fantasies on this list.
#3) Dominant/Submissive Sex
Dominant/submissive sexual fantasies are part of the larger BDSM (bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism) category.
Movies like Fifty Shades of Grey are far from 100% accurate.
There are many ways to healthy, ethical practice and experience dominant/submissive sex. All of them require self-knowledge, communication, and emotional maturity to make sex safe and mutually gratifying.
The basic idea is that one partner is in control, and the other relinquishes that control and follows the dominant’s lead.
Some people also incorporate an aspect of pain into it, whether spanking, hair pulling or even shibari (the Japanese art of rope bondage).
One of the essential parts of having dominant/submissive sex is establishing a “safe word” that you can use if you want your partner to stop. This word can be anything you decide on, but it’s usually a fairly un-sexy word that is a real signal to stop (think “penguin” or “banana”).
If you like being teased or teasing your partner, try adding our Awaken Arousal Oil into the sesh. When applied to the vulva and clitoris, the oil increases sensation. The added feeling makes edging and orgasm deprivation even more deliciously torturous.
#4) Consensual Non Consent
Consensual non-consent is one fantasy that some people may feel uncomfortable discussing. But it shouldn’t have to be that way. Openly talking about it can remove the stigma of rough, pleasurable sex.
Consensual non-consent differs from dominant/submissive sexual fantasies in that it’s less about the strict structure and more about feeling out of control. There are many reasons why people find consensual non-con a turn-on.
For example, many survivors of sexual assault report using it as a way to take their power back. But you don’t have to be a survivor to enjoy this type of sex, as long as you’re doing it with a partner you trust.
Make sure to discuss each other’s limits ahead of time — consent is non-negotiable — and always have a safe word.
Remember, rough sex is most (and arguably only) enjoyable when there is enough lubrication. Keep everything nice and wet using proper lube so you can play even longer.
#5) Exhibitionism or Voyeurism
Exhibitionism and voyeurism are sexual fantasies involving either the act of exposing yourself or watching someone else expose themselves in public. While many of our associations with exhibitionism are negative (think: nude flashers), consent is key to any sexual experience.
However, this specific fantasy is tricky because it is technically illegal, so be careful about when and how you add exhibitionism or voyeurism to your sex life.
If exhibitionism is your kink, talk to your partner about going to a swinger’s club or party. Although this is a controlled environment, you can fulfill your exhibitionist fantasies without fear of being arrested or too embarrassed (or just watch, if that’s more your speed).
#6) Sex in Public
For many people, sex with the possibility of getting caught is a huge turn-on. Getting it on in the car, in an alley, or a hot tub in your own backyard is risky and floods your body with adrenaline.
After getting away with it, that adrenaline is immediately replaced with dopamine, the “reward” hormone. Having sex (or just fooling around) in a public place can get those juices flowing, literally and figuratively.
But again, generally illegal, and while we’d love to share some tips on how to not get caught, we’d also love to not be responsible when you get caught for your rendezvous in the tinted-window SUV parked in the middle of downtown.
Roleplay is another one of the most common sexual fantasies. Some common pairings include:
Some of the most common factors of roleplay are power dynamics where, like in dominance/submissive sex, one person is in a position of power.
Some people find themselves daydreaming about performing sexual acts with strangers, too. Before you and your partner become entirely different people for the night, talk over what you’re willing to do and what you’re not.
Need some other ideas for roleplay? We’ve got you covered.
Do you fantasize about getting it on while dressed as your favorite video game, book, movie, or TV show character? Or, if you’ve dreamed of having a sexual encounter with your favorite character, having your partner dress up as them is the way to go.
Bringing cosplay into the bedroom allows you to live out your sexual fantasies in a unique, live-action way that can be new and exciting for both parties involved.
Although we’ve come a really long way as a society, the concept of set gender roles (even in the bedroom) seems to have stuck around. That’s a large part of why gender-bending sexual fantasies, where you dress up or “act” as a different gender than the one you usually present as, are still relatively taboo.
But adding gender-bending to the bedroom can definitely spice things up — allowing you and your partner to subvert societal expectations. It can also help you connect with your partner on a different level.
How To Approach Your Partner With Sexual Fantasies
So, you’re into consensual non-consent, gender-bending, or anything else (consensually, of course). How do you get those sexual fantasies out of your head and into your bedroom?
You’ve heard us repeat this time and time again — communication is the most crucial factor in any relationship. If you can’t comfortably sit and talk to your partner about your fantasies and kinks, there is likely an element of trust missing.
Seeing a sex therapist together can help you work on building that trust, but that’s a journey you need to both be equally committed to.
You also need to understand that, even with vulnerability and trust, your partner may not be into the same fantasies you are. While some partners may be open to trying something new, others may have hard boundaries they aren’t willing to cross.
Opening yourself up to these vulnerabilities and being told “no” may seem like rejection, but that won’t change how your partner feels about you. Don’t ask them to do anything they aren’t comfortable with, but let the communication you shared bring you closer together.
Talk to your partner if you’re ready to turn your fantasy into real life. Consent is essential, as is having trust with your partner. Don’t be afraid of your fantasies, because they’re probably much more common than you think.
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