Many people born with a prostate, especially heterosexual, cisgender men, have grown up unconsciously internalizing the stigma surrounding all things anal. But it’s time to break down the barriers and explore how getting more comfortable with your body can open up new ways to experience pleasure, like the prostate orgasm.
For a tiny little gland, it sure can give your body intensely pleasurable feelings.
What Is the Prostate?
Unfortunately, most people have only heard of the prostate in regards to prostate cancer (which affects one in every eight people born with a prostate). Imagine if the only thing we knew about breasts was their cancer risk — it would be a colossal shame, right?
Let’s fix that because we think you’ll be surprised by just how vital the prostate actually is.
Here’s a quick overview of a small gland with a lot of big responsibility:
- The prostate is about the size of a walnut and is located underneath the bladder in front of the rectum.
- The gland plays a crucial role in the reproductive system. It secretes prostatic fluid (a significant component of semen), which nourishes and protects sperm by providing a safe, nutrient-rich environment.
- During ejaculation, this fluid is shot into the urethra through a series of ducts, allowing it to combine with sperm and other fluids before leaving the body.
How Does a Prostate Orgasm Feel?
While the prostate is biologically crucial, it also has one other super exciting feature — the prostate orgasm. When we talk about the prostate this way, we often refer to it as the P-spot, as the feeling is similar to what those with vaginas describe with G-spot orgasms.
If you’ve never experienced either, we’re about to blow your mind.
Although everyone’s prostate orgasm experience is unique, people have described it as an “out-of-body explosion” and a full-body “wave of pleasure and sensation.” These male orgasms are usually longer and more intense than a penile orgasm. Plus, there’s little to no refractory period, so you can get right back to business as soon as you want to.
What Happens During a Prostate Orgasm?
The science behind prostate orgasms isn’t as well-researched as penile orgasms, but sexual health does not receive as much attention as other biological functions. While this type of orgasm is more intense, many people experience more of an “oozing” instead of a “spurting” of seminal fluid when getting off.
This happens due to repetitive pressure and stimulation (direct or indirect — which we’ll get into in a moment) of the abundant nerve endings in the area. The best part of prostate orgasms is that even many people who experience erectile dysfunction can experience them.
The Benefits of a Prostate Orgasm
There are plenty of benefits to being adventurous in the bedroom, including the sexual pleasure that prostate stimulation can bring you. Let’s lube up and jump in.
If you’ve been sexually active for more than just a few years, you may feel like you’ve been there, done that when it comes to sex. Expanding your sexual horizons can help you better understand yourself. After all, life is a journey. Take a detour every once in a while.
Connection to Your Sexuality
For far too long, sex has been subjected to a weird gender binary, telling people what they should like and how they experience pleasure based on their assigned sex at birth alone.
Thankfully, we seem to be pushing beyond those preconceived, judgmental limits, allowing people to explore themselves far more open-mindedly.
Anal play and penetration no longer belong to any gender identity or sexuality, and exploring can connect you even more deeply with who you are and what you like.
Closeness With Your Partner
There’s something incredibly empowering about knowing what you want and having the confidence to ask for it. When you’re with a partner you trust, sharing that information can bring you closer. Plus, communication is super sexy.
Listen, we’re talking about prostate stimulation as a sexual tool. The goal is a longer, deeper, more intense orgasm. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t other health benefits associated with exploring your body this way.
Regular prostate stimulation can help maintain an easy urinary flow, reduce pelvic discomfort, and even help catch abnormalities before they become more significant.
How To Give Your Partner an Amazing Prostate Massage
If your partner is interested in discovering what all the fuss is about, you’ve come to the right place. Here’s everything you need to give your partner an amazing prostate massage.
Get in the Mood
Approach prostate stimulation the same way you would any other sexual encounter with your partner. The goal is pleasure and exploration, so take the time to set the mood. Have a glass of wine together, light a few candles, and put on some music.
It will help both of you relax and increase the odds of success even further. Being turned on can also help with relaxation, so try a little masturbation to get them in the mood.
How To Prepare
In addition to setting the mood, you can do a little prep before going for it. First and foremost, if you’re going to be using your fingers, trim and file your nails and wash your hands. Even a tiny scrape can lead to infection. Plus, the inside-scraping feeling is just uncomfortable for penis owners and vagina owners alike.
You should also take a quick time out with your partner to ensure you’re both on the same page and discuss any expectations or boundaries surrounding anal play. It’s also not a terrible idea to come up with an agreed-upon safe word, just in case.
Add Lube – Lots of It
To directly stimulate the prostate, you or your partner will need to go in through your anus and rectum. Unlike the vagina, which can make its own natural lubricant, the anus and rectum need a little help.
Don’t be tempted to skip the lube; it will not only be super uncomfortable but can also lead to potential tearing (which is just as unpleasant as it sounds). Invest in a longer-lasting lube, so you don’t have to keep reapplying — we love our Intimacy Sex Oil for this exact reason.
Deep Breaths. Relax. Insert.
If it's your and your partner’s first attempt to find and stimulate the prostate gland, it can be both exciting and intimidating. Nerves are normal, but anxiety can also shut the body down and make it harder for your partner to relax and enjoy themselves (thanks, fight or flight).
Take a moment to take a few deep breaths with your partner, which can help them relax and make insertion easier (as can our Intimacy Melts).
Find the Prostate
We discussed the clinical anatomy of the prostate, but how the heck do you find it? While you can find a more in-depth article here, the basic location is about two inches inside the rectum (about the length of a pink elementary school eraser) toward the front wall of the pelvis or belly button.
If you want to take it slower, you can also try stimulating the prostate externally. Apply firm pressure to the perineum (the area between the base of the penis and the anus). If your partner suddenly feels the urge to pee, you’re in the right spot.
Find Your Rhythm
Reaching prostate orgasm is all about rhythm. Experiment with different motions, pressures, and speeds until you find what works best for your partner. Many people find that moderate pressure, either using a “come here” motion (similar to the G-spot) or repetitive pressing (think: ringing a doorbell), gets them over the edge.
Use Prostate Massagers
If your partner feels uncomfortable being penetrated by your fingers, there are still plenty of options! Sex toys, specifically prostate toys, vibrators, and massagers, can also be used for direct sexual stimulation of the p-spot. Again — lube, lube, lube. Never attempt any prostate play or use anal toys without it.
Want to switch up your sex life and experience full-body orgasms with little to no refractory period? If you were born with a prostate, consider experimenting with sexual activities that involve direct stimulation.
You’ll be shocked at all the intense orgasms you’ve been missing out on all these years — and you’ve just got a walnut-sized gland to thank for them.
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