How To Make Yourself Cum: A Guide to Being Your Own Best Lover

As the saying goes, “If you don’t love yourself, how can you love somebody else?” While we can’t claim to be the originators, we love the intent that love starts from within. The same theory applies to self-love, both physical and emotional. 

Learning how to make yourself cum increases your pleasure, and helps you be a better teacher for anyone who is lucky enough to be welcomed into your bedroom (or wherever you like to get it on). 

Ready to be your own best lover? We’ve got you.

What If you Already Know How To Make Yourself Cum – Too Well?

Seems simple enough, right? The thing is, you’ve likely been touching yourself the same way you always have. However, we’d like to encourage you to take a step back and reevaluate how you approach masturbation. 

Hear us out. 

We’ve been told that masturbation is all about having an orgasm. But, in all actuality, masturbation should be more about experiencing your body and learning what pleases you. 

Finding out what your body reacts to can lead you to orgasm, and that can often involve more than just a handful of tricks you’ve always turned to get off. 

Having Trouble Orgasming? You’re Not Alone

Did you know that anywhere from 10 to 15% of AFAB (assigned female at birth) people have never had an orgasm? In fact, nearly 50% of the same population reports not being satisfied with how often they can get off. 

But don’t judge yourself if you find yourself in the same boat. The ability to have an orgasm is just as mental as physical. Environmental factors like stress, boredom, history of sexual trauma, shyness, or even lack of knowledge can make it harder to reach climax. 

When it comes to the female orgasm, specifically, health issues like vaginal dryness, pelvic discomfort, and hormonal issues can also throw us some roadblocks. 

So, if you’re having trouble orgasming, you’re not alone. And you’re certainly not hopeless. There are plenty of ways to counteract anything holding you back from getting off! 

Why Learning How To Make Yourself Cum Is Important

Learning how you make yourself cum should be at the top of your priority list. 

For one, you deserve to have as many orgasms as you desire! How often have you faked it during partnered sex or given up when it seems like it may never happen?

You are just as worthy of sexual pleasure as anyone else, and you should never put yourself on the back burner… especially when the outcome feels so good.

Once you know what works for your body, you can teach others what works for your body too. This is especially important if you’re pursuing a long-term relationship with someone (or even trying to spice things up with your existing one). 

Sex isn’t only about getting off — having an orgasm with your partner can help bring you closer together.

How To Make Yourself Cum

Have you been convinced to prioritize yourself and are finally ready to learn how to make yourself cum? Don’t worry; we’re not going to leave you to figure it out on your own! We’ve got some tips to help you find that elusive “O.”

Take It Slow

When you start your journey of self-exploration, remember to take it slow! Try different techniques, enjoy the build-up of excitement, and stretch your self-pleasure out with edging. 

Foreplay doesn’t just have to be for sex with a partner! Once you finally reach your peak, it’ll pay off in the form of an amazing, potentially full-body orgasm.

Make Time for Yourself

Masturbation is self-care. We repeat — masturbation is self-care! 

You’re worthy of love, you’re worthy of taking time for yourself, and you’re worthy of endless orgasms. None of that makes you selfish or a bad partner.

Check Your Mental State

Sex, even with yourself, is emotional. Your mindset can impact your ability to be turned on, enjoy yourself, and even orgasm. If you’re not in the right mental state and you find you’re just going through the motions, you’re setting yourself up for frustration.

Take a break, get yourself a cup of tea (or a glass of wine), and try again when you’re in a better mood.

Think Sensual

As Anthony Bourdain once said, “Your body is not a temple; it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.” 

Having sex with yourself and learning how to make yourself cum isn’t just about getting off. 

Set the mood, think about your body sensually, and fight any urge to be self-critical. You’ll start to look at your body in a whole new way. 

Watch or Read Porn

Some people need a little more visual or mental stimulation when touching themselves. If you enjoy a bit of visual inspiration, there’s no shame in watching or reading porn or erotica to get yourself in the mood.

However, we’d caution you not to use these every time. They should add to your arousal but not be something you depend on to achieve orgasm.


What does meditation have to do with masturbation? More than you’d think! 

While you shouldn’t break out your meditation pillow and start chanting in the bedroom (unless that’s your thing — no judgment!), practicing mindfulness can be game-changing in all avenues of your life, including your sex life. 

Have you ever had sex and started thinking about everything you should be doing instead? This isn’t always a sign of boredom (although it can be). Sometimes, it’s simply an inability to stay in the present moment.

The more you practice mindfulness meditation, the better you’ll be at shutting those thoughts off and genuinely enjoying the moment. 

Explore Yourself

If you’re one of the 70% of AFAB folk who need clitoral stimulation to climax, learning how to make yourself cum involves self-exploration and understanding what works for you. However, the clitoris isn’t the be-all-end-all of having a good time. 

Take the time to touch yourself all over, from your ear lobes to your toes and everywhere in between. You may be surprised by what erogenous zones you find!

Running your hands over your body, even in some “taboo” areas, helps you learn about your likes, dislikes, and extra likes

As a bonus, you can take that info to your partner, too, and you may be surprised at just how much more you are able to cum, both when alone and with others!

Spoil Yourself With Sex Toys

If you haven’t gone sex toy shopping in a while (or ever), you may be shocked to see how far sex toys have come. 

There are still the standard options like that bright pink glittery dildo we’ve all seemed to own at one point or another. 

As technology continues to evolve, you can now get vibrators that use an app to learn your body’s pattern and provide feedback on enhancing your pleasure, vibrators that mimic oral sex, sex toys that fit your shower head, and massages that focus on both your G-spot and direct clitoral stimulation. 

Spoil yourself and go shopping for a new sex toy (or three) – you deserve it!

Explore Your Fantasy

Just like buying new sex toys, masturbation doesn’t have to be something you do the same way every time. Do you have a fantasy you’ve always wanted to explore? Kinks are a normal part of everyone’s sexuality, and the best part of learning how to make yourself cum is that you can explore them by yourself without judgment!

Try using a CBD lube or an arousal oil to enhance your pleasure and keep your juices flowing. When you don’t have to worry about vaginal dryness, you can take as much time as you want and live in whatever fantasy turns you on. 


Whether you’re learning how to make yourself cum or are trying to mix it up, the right know-how can only improve your sex life. Women statistically orgasm less than men, and it’s time we close that gap! 

Try applying some of our Awaken Arousal Oil to your labia, vulva, and vagina (for penetrative sex with yourself) to enhance your pleasure further. Now go get that “O!”



Orgasmic dysfunction in women | MedlinePlus Medical Encyclopedia

Vaginal dryness | MedlinePlus Medical Encyclopedia

Less stress, clearer thoughts with mindfulness meditation | Harvard Gazette

Want more? Sign up for our newsletter

By entering your email, you are agreeing to our terms and conditions and understand our privacy policy.

Older Post Newer Post

Scan the QR code below.
QR Code