“Fingering” is a slightly adolescent term for what can be a wonderful thing – stimulating a vagina from the inside. When we’re fingering someone with a vulva the right way, it’s almost like playing an instrument; we’re in control, using our own sensitive appendages to access their most sensitive places, propelling them to new dimensions of bliss. (Not at all like fumbling in a closet after prom, we hope.)
And who knows, when done right, you might even experience a surprise squirt!
When we’re learning how to finger a vagina, it’s important to remember that fingering techniques aren’t one-size-fits-all. That vagina belongs to a person, and people’s likes, dislikes and individual anatomy are as unique as fingerprints. There’s no manual, if you’ll pardon the pun. The best way to finger is the way they like to be fingered.
All that being said, there are definitely some guidelines to keep in mind! So here’s a little tutorial, aimed at the person doing the fingering. If you’re usually on the receiving end, read on for a roadmap you can provide to the devoted fingerer in your life.
Rule #1: Lube.
The biggest complaint of frustrated fingerees is that when it’s done poorly, it can be annoying or even painful. And the first step you can take to avoid hurting or annoying your partner is USING LUBE.
Good lube! Lots of lube! Replenished often! Vaginas don’t always lubricate themselves on cue, sometimes they only self-lubricate a little, and sometimes they don’t lubricate themselves at all, even when the vagina-haver feels very turned on.
Harsh, repetitive friction is to be avoided. Make sure those hands are properly slick.
Rule #2: Communicate.
As with all things sex, we need to hear what our partner is telling and showing us – through words, movements, and sounds. Listen, pay attention, and make sure they’re comfortable communicating what feels good and what doesn’t – before you even get in bed.
A human being is not a video game, and unless that’s their kink (who are we to judge?) most people don’t much like being feverishly worked on without their partner listening to them. So be ready to pay attention to their whole self, with your whole self. That’s the key to unforgettable intimacy.
How to Finger A Vagina: Internal Anatomy
The first thing to keep in mind is that not everyone with a vagina can orgasm from internal stimulation alone. There’s nothing wrong with them if they can’t, even though they may have heard many messages to the contrary throughout their life.
Orgasms or no orgasms, being fingered can still feel amazing. And it helps to know what’s going on in there, anatomically-wise.
Located about 2-3 inches up the front wall of the vagina, the G-spot is a popular target for the best fingering. It’s not a mysterious, magical button that produces orgasms on demand, but it does represent the exquisitely sensitive conjunction of the urethral sponge and the internal structure of the clitoris (which is a lot bigger and more extensive than it looks from the outside).
Stimulating the G-spot can produce some big, wet Os. And G-spots tend to like firm, repetitive pressure (with lots of lube, of course). That famous “come here” gesture is a great way to get there.
Sometimes known as the “deep spot”, its official name is the anterior fornix erogenous zone. Like the G-spot, it’s also located on the inside front wall of the vagina, but it’s higher up – right in front of the cervix.
You’ll need long fingers to access it, and it may help to have your partner pull their knees to their chest to shorten their vagina for an easier reach. Some people who don’t have G-spot orgasms do have A-spot orgasms, so lube up and give it a try.
The cervix is the deepest part of the vagina, very sensitive, and needs to be approached with gentle curiosity. Many people with cervixes can’t stand having them jostled in any way. Others, however, can orgasm from cervical stimulation. It’ll probably need gentler pressure than the G-spot does, and be very careful unless you know how your partner likes their cervix touched.
If they are open to exploring, you’re aiming for the firm, slippery bit that feels like the end of a nose. Try gentle circles around the tip of the cervix with the end of your fingers, or slow movements around the base of the cervix where it attaches to the vaginal walls. Both of these areas are highly concentrated with nerve endings, so slow, steady, and light pressure is the right place to start.
Best Fingering Positions
When choosing a pose, consider the angle of the vagina, the location of the G-spot, and the way your fingers bend. Putting them on their back with you crouching in front of them (or sitting in a chair, or kneeling on the floor, while they’re lying on a flat surface) is the classic position for fingering, but also consider having them straddle you so they can control the pressure and angle. Putting them on all fours can also work great for G-spot access (point your palm down).
Essential Fingering Techniques
At last, here are some bits and pieces to help it all come together. (We're cracking ourselves up.)
Make sure your hands are clean and your nails are short and filed.
Oh, how vagina-havers detest being fingered with dirty hands and nails that snag. It’s not only painful, it’s a great way to give them a UTI. Hand care – including moisturizing cuticles – is not a step to skip. (Couples manicure?)
Start on the outside.
Don’t just lunge for their vagina! Start by considering their whole body. The more relaxed and aroused they are when you begin a fingering sesh, the better. A long massage, nipple stimulation, an oral O or two to start – take your time and enjoy all of them.
Start with one finger and work up.
Here’s where you’ll want to be extra-patient. Unless they’re begging for more, begin with an exploratory index finger before cramming others in there – and when you add more fingers, pay attention to what you’re feeling. Are they opening up? Clenching? Getting dry? What sounds are they making? What facial expressions are you seeing? Tuning in to your partner and using your own senses will tell you a lot.
Combine with clitoral stimulation.
Some people prefer to have you focus only on their clit or G-spot. For many others, however, a dual approach is key to earth-shattering orgasms – even when they can’t climax from internal fingering alone.
Try rubbing their clitoris with your thumb and fingering at the same time, combining oral stimulation and an inside massage, or using a vibrator on their clitoris – or having them use the vibe, or touch themselves. Collaborate! They might be able to help you get them there, again and again – even if you can’t pat your head and rub your stomach at the same time, metaphorically speaking.
Tired? Change it up.
Sometimes fingering takes a while. Sometimes our fingers, wrists and forearms get sore. Sometimes we get worried we’re going to give ourselves carpal tunnel. If this happens to you, don’t just soldier on – offer to take a break with oral, a toy, or intercourse. Be delicate with how you phrase the request, though; many people with vulvas are selfconscious about how long they take to climax. Make it sexy – “I’m dying to go down on you right now”, for example.
Close the deal.
We’re going to say this very firmly and with great seriousness:
If you hear “omg don’t stop”, keep doing exactly what you are doing.
Don’t move your hand somewhere else, don’t go harder or faster, don’t change it up in any way. You’re in the zone, in the pocket, in the flow, and so are they. And you’re almost there! So really, really, do what you’re told and don’t stop.
And thank us later.
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