“Fingering” is a slightly adolescent term for what can be a wonderful thing – stimulating the vagina from the inside. When we’re fingering someone with a vulva the right way, it’s almost like playing an instrument; we’re in control, using our own sensitive appendages to access their most sensitive places, propelling them to new dimensions of bliss. (Not at all like fumbling in a closet after prom, we hope.)
And who knows, when done right, you might even experience a surprise squirt!
When we’re learning how to finger a vagina, it’s important to remember that fingering techniques aren’t one-size-fits-all. That vagina belongs to a person, and people’s likes, dislikes and individual anatomy are as unique as fingerprints. There’s no manual, if you’ll pardon the pun. The best way to finger is the way they like to be fingered.
All that being said, there are definitely some guidelines to keep in mind! So here’s a little tutorial, aimed at the person doing the fingering. If you’re usually on the receiving end, read on for a roadmap you can provide to the devoted fingerer in your life — or try on yourself.
Penetration vs. Fingering: When’s the Right Time?
While definitions of what constitutes sex have long varied, here at Foria, we are firm advocates and believers that whatever feels fun, intimate, and sexy to you can and should qualify as “sex” — with you in control of deciding.
With that in mind, many people feel that there is a distinction between penetrative sex with a penis-having partner and being fingered. Choosing when you want to engage in either is a deeply personal decision. You shouldn’t feel pressured to operate on anyone else’s timeline or abide by societal expectations that don’t align with your interests and desires.
The right time for fingering or penile penetration is all about whenever you and your partners feel truly ready to and excited by the idea of doing so.
If you are interested in fingering or penetrating your partner (whether it’s your first time or fiftieth time), make sure you get the okay from them or that they have a way to let you know if they aren’t quite in the mood before diving in.
And if everyone involved is good to get going — well, friend, keep this guide in mind to help really get them going and going, whether you’re a beginner or a bonafide sex educator.
What Are the Benefits of Fingering?
Fingering doesn’t just feel good to the one on the receiving end — though, of course, if you’re following their directions and using their body language as a guide, them feeling that ‘O my god’ type of good should certainly be a benefit.
But, along with feeling good, fingering can have handfuls of health and relationship benefits, too.
Stimulating the many many nerves around the vulva and in the vaginal opening can help release feel-good hormones like oxytocin and dopamine, increase blood circulation for added intensity, and reduce the risk of pregnancy or STIs when compared to penetrative sex. Fingering can also help build trust and confidence as you and your partners form a deeper understanding of what gets their juices flowing.
Better Control
What we love about fingering is that there are so many different ways to experiment with it.
There are far fewer limitations when it comes to the motions and movements the fingers can perform and what angles they can reach compared to, say, a penis or even a sex toy.
If you are the one doing the fingering, you can play around with how many fingers you are using, what parts of the vagina you are touching when, and how exactly you move those fingers based on what your partner is responding to. You can aim for G-spot stimulation, mind-blowing clitoral orgasms, circular motions with your middle finger, simultaneous anal stimulation — the sky is truly the limit.
This is also why fingering yourself can be a powerful way to get to know the ins and outs of your pleasure zones and ways to access them to achieve full-blown bliss.
Having this full range of motion and control at your fingertips can help you build a sense of where exactly your or your partner’s most sensitive areas are and how they like them touched — which can come in handy for future fingering sessions and other bedroom activities, too.
Just remember that, as always, communication is crucial here. So if you are the one being fingered, don’t be afraid to guide your partner by letting them know when what they’re doing feels good, when it isn’t working for you, or what you would like them to try next. And if you are the fingerer — listen.
Eye Contact
They say that the eyes are the window to the soul — and maybe they are — but what we know for sure is that the eyes can be the doorway into more powerful intimacy.
Extended eye contact can help deepen attraction and emotional connection. Studies suggest that oxytocin — the same calming and stress-reducing “love hormone” released during orgasms — is also triggered by looking deep into another’s eyes.
In the bedroom, holding eye contact while engaging in other forms of intimacy can boost those feel-good hormones and release compounds in the brain associated with bonding, which can help boost intensity and feelings of closeness.
And, when fingering, it’s easy to maintain that eye contact in a way that isn’t always possible during some other sexy time activities (think sex positions: oral, doggy style, reverse cowgirl — all a recipe for a good time if you enjoy them, but not very conducive to maintaining eye contact).
Plus, eye contact can help you read your partner’s body and reactions as your fingers do their thing. So go ahead and stare; this is a time when both looking and touching is adamantly encouraged.
Spice It Up
If your sex life has become somewhat routine and is beginning to lose its spark, taking a step back and focusing on a slow and sensual act centering your partner and orchestrated with the fingers can reignite that flame.
And, if you’re interested in exploring new ways to spice up your sex life, trying them out during a fingering session can help ease you in (pun intended) while amplifying intensity and pleasure.
For instance, running an ice cube along your partner’s inner thigh while you finger them with the other can serve as a form of erotic temperature play known to turn up the heat and increase sensitivity for a more intense experience.
And while we are all for eye contact, if your partner is into sensory deprivation, you can try blindfolding them (with consent, of course) before fingering them. This can cause their other senses — including touch — to go on high alert, elevating the feeling of your touch.
Massaging our Awaken Arousal Oil into the vagina, inner labia, and clitoris five to 30 minutes before getting jiggy with it can also enhance the wow factor of fingering, as the botanicals absorbed by the body can increase blood circulation for added sensitivity and pleasure.
Of course, adding these types of toys and tools to the mix will only enhance pleasure if everyone involved is into it, so make sure you set the scene for open communication where you both feel comfortable and safe to share what you’re into and what you are open to exploring together.
While the most important rule is ensuring you’re on the same page, there are a few other basics we suggest keeping in mind.
Rule #1: Lube.
The biggest complaint of frustrated fingerees is that when it’s done poorly, it can be annoying or even painful. And the first step you can take to avoid hurting or annoying your partner is USE LUBE.
Good lube! Lots of lube! Replenished often! Vaginas don’t always lubricate themselves on cue, sometimes they only produce a bit of natural lubrication, and sometimes they don’t lubricate themselves at all, even when the vagina-haver feels very turned on.
There are several reasons why this might be the case for your partner, and a good, clean lube (like our Sex Oil with CBD) can help make those reasons a nonissue.
Harsh, repetitive friction is to be avoided. Make sure those hands are properly slick.
Rule #2: Communicate.
As with all things sex, we need to hear what our partner is telling and showing us – through words, movements, and sounds. Listen, pay attention, and make sure they’re comfortable communicating what feels good and what doesn’t – before you even get in bed.
A human being is not a video game, and unless that’s their kink (who are we to judge?) most people don’t much like being feverishly worked on without their partner listening to them. So be ready to pay attention to their whole self, with your whole self. That’s the key to unforgettable intimacy.
How to Finger A Vagina: Internal Anatomy
The first thing to keep in mind is that not everyone with a vagina can orgasm from internal stimulation alone. There’s nothing wrong with them if they can’t, even though they may have heard many messages to the contrary throughout their life.
Orgasms or no orgasms, being fingered can still feel amazing. And it helps to know what’s going on in there, anatomically-wise.
Our articles on different types of orgasms go into depth on this topic (again, no pun), but here are a few basic places to start.
The G-spot.
Located about 2-3 inches up the front wall of the vagina, the G-spot is a popular target for the best fingering. It’s not a mysterious, magical button that produces orgasms on demand, but it does represent the exquisitely sensitive conjunction of the urethral sponge and the internal structure of the clitoris (which is a lot bigger and more extensive than it looks from the outside).
Stimulating the G-spot can produce some big, wet Os. And G-spots tend to like firm, repetitive pressure (with lots of lube, of course). That famous “come here” gesture is a great way to get there.
Of course, not everyone has increased sensitivity in this area, so if your partner isn’t responding to this type of touch, that is okay! There are many more zones to explore.
The A-spot.
Sometimes known as the “deep spot,” its official name is the anterior fornix erogenous zone. Like the G-spot, it’s also located on the inside front wall of the vagina, but it’s higher up – right in front of the cervix.
You’ll need long fingers to access it, and it may help to have your partner pull their knees to their chest to shorten their vagina for an easier reach. Some people who don’t have G-spot orgasms do have A-spot orgasms, so lube up and give it a try.
The cervix.
The cervix is the deepest part of the vagina, very sensitive, and needs to be approached with gentle curiosity. Many people with cervixes can’t stand having them jostled in any way. Others, however, can orgasm from cervical stimulation. It’ll probably need gentler pressure than the G-spot does, and be very careful unless you know how your partner likes their cervix touched.
If they are open to exploring, you’re aiming for the firm, slippery bit that feels like the end of a nose. Try gentle circles around the tip of the cervix with the end of your fingers, or slow movements around the base of the cervix where it attaches to the vaginal walls. Both of these areas are highly concentrated with nerve endings, so slow, steady, and light pressure is the right place to start.
How Do You Begin a Fingering Sesh?
We covered the importance of checking in and open communication. Once you can gently touch and caress your partner's erogenous zones, such as the scalp, neck, and lower stomach, slowly move your way toward the vagina.
Make sure you have your lube or intimacy melts on hand. A few minutes of gentle teasing and touching is also a great time to massage the Awaken Arousal Oil (either with or without CBD) in and around the vagina before fully diving in.
Best Fingering Positions
When choosing a pose, consider the angle of the vagina, the location of the G-spot, and the way your fingers bend. Putting them on their back with you crouching in front of them (or sitting in a chair, or kneeling on the floor, while they’re lying on a flat surface) is the classic position for fingering, but also consider having them straddle you so they can control the pressure and angle. Putting them on all fours can also work great for G-spot access (point your palm down).
Essential Fingering Techniques
At last, here are some bits and pieces to help it all come together. (We're cracking ourselves up.)
Make sure your hands are clean and your nails are short and filed.
Oh, how vagina-havers detest being fingered with dirty hands and nails that snag. It’s not only painful, it’s a great way to give them a UTI. Hand care – including moisturizing cuticles – is not a step to skip. (Couples manicure?)
Start on the outside.
Don’t just lunge for their vagina! Start by considering their whole body. The more relaxed and aroused they are when you begin a fingering sesh, the better. A long massage, nipple stimulation, an oral O or two to start – take your time and enjoy all of them.
Start with one finger and work up.
Here’s where you’ll want to be extra-patient. Unless they’re begging for more, begin with an exploratory index finger before cramming others in there – and when you add more fingers, pay attention to what you’re feeling. Are they opening up? Clenching? Getting dry? What sounds are they making? What facial expressions are you seeing? Tuning in to your partner and using your own senses will tell you a lot.
Combine with clitoral stimulation.
Some people prefer to have you focus only on their clit or G-spot. For many others, however, a dual approach is key to earth-shattering orgasms – even when they can’t climax from internal fingering alone.
Try rubbing their clitoris with your thumb and fingering at the same time, combining oral stimulation and an inside massage, or using a vibrator on their clitoris – or having them use the vibe, or touch themselves. Collaborate! They might be able to help you get them there, again and again – even if you can’t pat your head and rub your stomach at the same time, metaphorically speaking.
Tired? Change it up.
Sometimes fingering takes a while. Sometimes our fingers, wrists and forearms get sore. Sometimes we get worried we’re going to give ourselves carpal tunnel. If this happens to you, don’t just soldier on – offer to take a break with oral, a toy, or intercourse. Be delicate with how you phrase the request, though; many people with vulvas are self conscious about how long they take to climax. Make it sexy – “I’m dying to go down on you right now”, for example.
Close the deal.
We’re going to say this very firmly and with great seriousness:
If you hear “omg don’t stop”, keep doing exactly what you are doing.
Don’t move your hand somewhere else, don’t go harder or faster, don’t change it up in any way. You’re in the zone, in the pocket, in the flow, and so are they. And you’re almost there! So really, really, do what you’re told and don’t stop.
And thank us later.
Sources:
Oxytocin: The love hormone | Harvard Health
Looking and loving: The effects of mutual gaze on feelings of romantic love | ScienceDirect
Why Gazing Into a Partner’s Eyes Boosts Intimacy and Sexual Pleasure | Psychology Today
Want more? Sign up for our newsletter
By entering your email, you are agreeing to our terms and conditions and understand our privacy policy.