For many of us, our introduction to squirting came from porn – a startling gush accompanied by wails of ecstasy. And just as quickly, questions arose – how does squirting work? Where does it come from? How can I do that?
Of course, some of us have always known. We may even have been embarrassed when it happened unexpectedly – until the mighty squirt became celebrated as “visible proof” of the elusive female orgasm. Now it seems like everyone wants to know how to squirt, or how to make someone else squirt, even if we might harbor a suspicion that the squirting vs peeing question is more ambiguous than we’d like.
As with many things sex-related, the answers are complex and deeply individual. Some squirt with ease, some can learn how to squirt, and some may never get there – and that’s fine. In exploring our bodies’ potential, it’s always important to deemphasize goal-seeking, especially at the beginning of the process. Go easy on yourself! There’s nothing wrong with you if you can’t – but you can sure have some fun trying.
Without further ado…
What is squirting and why are we so interested in it?
And, why squirting? If you’ve never experienced it, does it actually feel good?
The answer, as always when it comes to sex, is “it depends”. It is contextual and based on many factors. First and foremost are the mechanisms of how female ejaculation works.
In the most clinical terms, squirting is a release of fluid from the urethra that can occur with sexual stimulation. (Hot.) And although a “visible orgasm” is a major part of the appeal, it’s important to know that squirting and climax are not the same thing. Often a squirt accompanies orgasm, sometimes it doesn’t, but accomplished squirters say it feels fantastic regardless.
If you want to learn, though, you’ll probably want to squirt with climax. And to get there, it helps to know the anatomy involved.
Make friends with your G.
Our blog on the G-spot goes into detail about the physiology of the clitoral-urethral vagina complex, which is key to the mechanism of squirting. The name isn’t sexy, and learning about anatomy isn’t particularly sexy either, but the results absolutely can be, so bear with us!
To sum up, the clitoris, the G-spot, and a structure called the urethral sponge are all intimately linked. The urethral sponge, which wraps around the tube of the urethra from the bladder to the opening, is made up of similar tissue to the male prostate, and it’s full of paraurethral glands, also called Skene’s glands. Under certain circumstances, these glands will secrete about a teaspoon of fluid that ejects from the urethra when you squirt.
So it isn’t pee? Yes and no. Some of what makes up “female ejaculate” might actually be pee, though the science is inconclusive. People who squirt say it doesn’t smell or look like urine, but the small volume of paraurethral gland secretions doesn’t account for the generous gush that some people experience – or the plentiful surges you see in porn, though porn actresses sometimes fill their vaginas with water to “squirt” on demand. It’s entirely up to you to determine whether you’re comfortable with the possibility of a little pee; accomplished squirters are adamant that it’s worth it.
Remember, always, that every body is unique. Our genital structures are as distinctive as a fingerprint, and there’s no defined map that’ll get us there. Patience, exploration, really listening to your body, and being aware of your sensations will tell you more than any diagram – but knowing the basics is a great place to start.
So… how do I learn?
Preparation is everything when it comes to squirting, and it can start hours before you plan to try. You’ll want to hydrate to plump up that urethral sponge, though belting a lot of water immediately beforehand might just make you need to pee. Try sipping slowly while you get ready.
As for how to get ready, aim to be as relaxed and aroused as possible. The more comfortable and turned on you are, the easier the gush will come. Try a long bath, a massage, some erotica or a good dirty movie, leisurely masturbation without orgasm, or all of the above – you’re aiming for a meditative, stress-free state of heightened desire. Look for physical cues – full labia, swollen clitoris, juices flowing. Whatever it takes to get you there is good!
When it’s time to try for a squirt, remember your anatomy. People who squirt usually describe needing intense, vigorous, rapid G-spot stimulation to get the job done, though slow, gentle, persistent pressure works for many others. If you’re practicing on your own, a curved wand toy (with plenty of lube) will probably achieve a better angle than your fingers.
But what if you’re in the majority of people with vulvas who need clitoral stimulation to orgasm at all? The answer is to try both at the same time – stimulating your clitoris while rocking the wand up and down. This takes some coordination, but it gets easier with practice, and a vibrator may be a huge help.
Finally, when you’re getting close to orgasm with G-spot stimulation, you may feel the urge to clench – because it might feel a lot like you have to pee! But to squirt, you’ll need to be relaxed. Instead of tightening up, push out as you feel your climax approaching… and see what happens.
Let it flow, let it flow, let it flow… or not.
What if you tried and it didn’t work? What if your partner is getting impatient with you? What if you just can’t seem to get the angle right? What if it doesn’t feel nice?
As always, trying to jump through hoops for its own sake is never a good idea when it comes to sex. “You should be able to do this” is one the least sexy phrases on the planet. The point of sexual intimacy is to feel good, have fun, bond with a partner, learn about what your body and mind can do, and maybe surprise yourself.
In squirting as in all things: relax, be patient, and be kind to yourself.
And don’t forget to put a towel down.
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