Very few sex acts are more empowering than face sitting, a position some in the BDSM community call “queening.”
If you’re unfamiliar with the concept, you may have trouble understanding why so many people find face sitting to be such a turn-on. You may even wonder how you never tried it.
If the thought of sitting on your partner’s face gets your blood pumping, but you still feel like something’s holding you back, we’re here to change your mind. Let’s break down those barriers so you can sit on your throne like the true queen you are.
What Is Face Sitting?
Face sitting, in simple terms, is a sexual act where you straddle your partner’s face while they give you oral sex. While most people equate face sitting with cunnilingus (aka oral sex performed on a vulva and clitoris), you can also use it to perform analingus (oral stimulation of the anus, aka rimming, booty-licking or ass-eating) on people of all genders.
However, we’ll cater our tips to people with vaginas for this article, in particular!
Is Face Sitting Oral Sex?
Yes, face sitting is oral sex, but with a different POV (aka point-of-view). Oral sex doesn’t have to be traditional; face sitting can be much more fun than just laying on your back. It is just one of the many positions you can use to receive oral pleasure from your partner.
Face Sitting and BDSM
Although you don’t have to be kinky to enjoy face sitting, it does have connections to BDSM (bondage, domination/submission, sadomasochism). Often, the person doing the face sitting is in the dominant position.
Face sitting is often used during femdom play, where the “female” partner is in complete control — with consent, of course.
In some cases, face sitting can also be used for people who have asphyxiation or smothering fetishes, as the person’s full weight can be used to temporarily deprive their partner of breath.
If any of that sounds like something you’d be interested in, start a conversation with your partner. If they’re also in, develop a system for the bottom partner to tell you if they need a break (we’ll discuss this more in detail later).
Think of it like a safe word you don’t have to actually say, considering, you know — your partner will have their mouth full.
The Joys of Face Sitting
If you’re still on the fence about becoming a proud face sitter, we want to tell you more about the many benefits of this position. We’re sure we’ll make you a believer…or a sitter (and if not, remember — your body, your choice, NBD).
Mentally and Physically Empowering
Face sitting can be incredibly mentally and physically empowering once you can move past any psychological hurdles holding you back. Proudly sitting on your partner’s face gives you a much greater sense of control than you may have experienced before.
Not only have you taken some of your power back in a sexual context, but you also control the amount and type of stimulation you receive. What’s more empowering than that?
Also, the more confident you feel about yourself, the more likely you are to have satisfying sex. Plus, confidence can be incredibly sexy.
Provides Better Access to the Clitoris
When face sitting, the “legs wide open” position is probably the best oral sex position for direct stimulation of the clitoris.
As opposed to lying back passively and hoping your partner finds the spot that drives you wild, straddling their face exposes the clit directly to them. There’s far less room for error and far better likelihood that you’ll achieve orgasm.
Worthy Foreplay
Foreplay often gets pushed aside in favor of getting right down to business. Face sitting is a great way to focus on foreplay and ensure you’re wet and aroused enough to make sexual penetration as slow or rough as you’d like (if that’s your thing).
However, face sitting doesn’t have to be relegated to foreplay. It can also be the main act — it’s just that good.
Increased Orgasms
Many cisgender women find they can have orgasms much more frequently from face sitting than they can with traditional penetrative intercourse. Direct clitoral stimulation has been proven scientifically to help boost intense orgasms.
While you can achieve orgasm in other ways, direct stimulation of the clitoris is the most effective. In fact, some people find that external clitoral stimulation can cause intense orgasms.
Ensures Complete Focus
Yes, intercourse and mutual masturbation are great ways to connect with your partner intimately. But you also deserve to have all the focus on getting you off sometimes.
Don’t let any pre-meditated guilt prevent you from enjoying your throne. You can always return the favor. Face sitting ensures your partner is completely focused on your pleasure, making you the star of the show.
How To Sit on Your Partner’s Face
Are you ready to try it for yourself? Forget what you’ve seen in porn videos. Here’s a compilation of our favorite tips and tricks to make face sitting pleasurable for you and your partner.
Ask Your Partner
We really can’t overestimate the importance of consent. No matter your sexuality or gender identity, sexual activity with another person must always start with non-coerced, sober consent.
Discuss your interest in face sitting with your partner before sex and make sure they’re comfortable. If not, don’t pressure them.
Put Your Weight on Your Knees
One of the most misunderstood parts about face sitting is in the name. Although it’s called “face sitting,” you won’t actually be putting your whole body weight on your partner’s face. Instead, you’ll support your weight by using your knees on either side of your partner’s face, making this an excellent thigh workout. Talk about a win-win.
If you’re a big beautiful woman (BBW) or someone with a big beautiful ass, hopefully this helps you feel more comfortable!
Balance Your Body
Unless you’re incredibly athletic, it’s a good idea to have a wall or a headboard to help you balance. No matter how strong you are, those waves of pleasure can knock you off balance and make you weak in the knees (that’s the goal, right?).
You don’t want to get close to having a face-sitting orgasm and fall over, do you? That seems like a vibe-killer (but also a possible new tease?), although you can laugh about it later.
Change Up the Pressure
Once you feel comfortable and balanced, you can start moving around and changing the pressure on your clitoris to find what feels best. Lean back if the direct stimulation is too much, or lean forward if you need a little more. Adjust the position of your legs to do the same thing, or just grind on their face. Remember, you’re in control.
Consider a Seated Position
If you’re still having trouble letting go, try a midway position before progressing to full face sitting. Instead of sitting up completely, position your body on all fours (aka on your hands and knees). Doing this gives you even greater control over how you sit on their face.
Experiment With Different Positions
Are you feeling more comfortable with the traditional face sitting position and want to try a few different options? We’ve got you!
- Reverse face sitting. Instead of kneeling above your partner facing forward, flip around and face their toes. If the mood catches you, you can also 69 with them.
- Try a table. Instead of having your partner lie in bed, have them lie on a table and stand instead of “sit” over them.
- Use sex toys. Want to increase your pleasure even more? Try lubing up and inserting a dildo or vibrator (check out our Sex Oil, which is also safe for oral sex). Multiple types of simultaneous stimulation may even help you reach full female orgasm (i.e. the famous “squirt”).
- Go solo. You don’t always have to have a partner to experience face sitting. You can always buy sex toys that simulate oral sex, so try putting one on a pillow, straddling it, and going to town.
Create a Signal
Using safe words isn’t just for BDSM play. Face sitting feels fantastic, so grinding too hard on your partner without being aware of how they’re taking it can be easy to accidentally do. Create a signal ahead of time so they can tell you if they need you to ease up.
Having them give you four quick taps on your thigh is an excellent example of a signal that doesn’t require talking.
Remember, your partner is doing this because they want to get you off. If they’re using the signal, it’s not because you’re too much for them (or too heavy, so stop that line of thinking before it even starts) — they generally just need to take a breath so they can get back to making you feel good.
Takeaway
The next time your partner says, “sit on my face,” take them up on it. Face sitting is empowering and helps you gain control over your pleasure in a way few cisgender women do.
Try using our Awaken Arousal Oil to amplify your pleasure and arousal further. When applied to the clitoris, inner labia, and vaginal opening, the aphrodisiacs (including CBD) help increase blood flow, promoting increased sensation and bigger, better orgasms.
You deserve to have as many fun, slippery, confidence-boosting sexual encounters as you want, and we would love to help you get there.
Sources:
Nature and origin of "squirting" in female sexuality | PubMed
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