You know how it can be at the beginning of the new relationship — the whirlwind of it all, the flutter in your chest when you see they texted back, the thrill of learning a new piece of them with each conversation, and the anticipation that builds with every touch as you build an intimate connection, too.
And then time goes on, and familiarity sets in.
If you’re in a long-term relationship, you may also be familiar with this part: when there is a lot of trust in your relationship but nothing to cause those butterflies, when you feel perfectly at ease spending time together but have lost some of the exhilaration in the process.
If you can relate, you aren’t alone. This is a completely normal part of a progressing relationship.
But, if you’re itching for a little more excitement between you and your SO, let this be your sign that it may be time to spice things up to rekindle some of that early-relationship spark.
How Do You Know When It’s Time To Spice Things Up?
It’s easy to fall into a routine with your significant other and not even notice that the excitement has begun to fizzle out. But, a few signs may indicate you are craving something fresh in a relationship that’s become increasingly familiar.
When “Comfortable” Becomes “Boring”
Reaching a point in your relationship where you are comfortable with your partner and feel free to be yourself with them is an incredible experience. There is absolutely nothing wrong with reaching that relationship mark where you prefer chill nights in to extravagant date nights or when you trust the strength of the relationship enough to no longer feel the urge to put as much effort into your time together as you did at the start.
But, at the same time, there can be a fine line between comfort and complacency if we aren’t careful. If your easy routine has become too predictable, if you’re feeling restless, or if you’re craving just a bit more spontaneity, it may be a good time to check in with your partner about shaking things up — in or out of the sheets.
When “Romance” Becomes “Ro-Meh”
Every little hint of intimacy can feel magical when a new romance is budding. The first time they brush their fingers against your skin, how the gentle pressure of their hand feels against the small of your back, how tender moments can transform into mind-blowing sexcapades as you build your physical connection — you know the types of moments we’re talking about.
Over time, though, you may find some of that romance starts to slip away, replaced by the mundane routine of the more settled stage of your relationship. If you find yourselves cycling through the same handful of dates (or not going on them at all), can’t remember the last time you tried something new in the bedroom, or are no longer engaging in the little moments you used to enjoy, it might be time to spice up the romance-o-meter.
When “Conversation” Becomes “Conver-Say What?”
One of our favorite parts about the early stages of a relationship is having the chance to learn everything about our new boo.
From learning the little details like their favorite food or pet peeves to late-night conversations getting into The Deep Stuff for the first time, there is often a back-and-forth in these conversations that sparks closeness and trust as we open up to our partners and listen to them do the same.
But we know the drill. As you get to know one another more, you may listen to one another less. You may each get caught up in your own thing and suddenly aren’t as intentional about making time to talk as you used to.
Or maybe conversation has gotten more mundane as you’ve fallen into a routine, so you are not engaging as much as you once were.
Regardless of the why, if you feel that you and your partner are out of sync or simply not conversing the way you’d like, it’s probably time for an important conversation about how to recenter and prioritize your connection as your relationship continues to progress.
First, What Are the Ground Rules for Spicing It Up?
If any of these signs ring true to you, that doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed to feel stale and stagnant for the rest of time. We’ve got a few tips you and your partner can use to help make your relationship and sex life sizzle again.
But, regardless of what type of changes you’re craving, it’s important to approach the topic from a place of compassion, understanding, and love. We encourage you to keep the following ground rules in mind as you begin your journey into spicing things up.
Open Communication
Here at Foria, we advocate for communication as a vital throughline for any and all healthy relationships. Every adventure you take together, in the bedroom and beyond, should include honest communication and boundaries as needed.
So, once you start to feel that your love life is entering a bit of a rut, open a conversation with your partner about how to spice up your relationship and what exactly that looks like for you as a couple. Check in regularly as you try new things together to help you stay on the same page and ensure all needs are met.
Create a Safe Space
Discussing what is missing from the relationship can feel difficult, so remember that you are doing this because you love one another and want to enhance the love and connection that already exists in your relationship. It can help to discuss what is working and what you want more of and hold space for them.
And, of course, it’s important to remember that this isn’t about accusing or blaming one another for any of the specific shifts you’ve noticed in the relationship. As you work together to navigate any feelings of stagnation in your relationship, try to remain attentive and compassionate rather than defensive, and your partner should offer you the same.
We encourage you to remain open, non judgemental, and aware of your boundaries. Whether you are interested in exploring uncharted territory in the emotional or physical terrain, make sure each activity you dive into together is one you are both enthusiastically on board with, know how to do safely, understand each other’s limits on, and are continuing to communicate about as you forge further together.
Stay Curious
This far into your relationship, you may think you know all there is to know about your partner — but they might still surprise you! One way to avoid feeling bored or stagnant in your relationship is to stay curious about your partner and the possibility of learning new things about them — and about you, too.
This means continuing to ask questions and listening to the answers. If you catch yourself drifting off or making assumptions rather than being attentive (it happens to the best of us), gently pull yourself back to the present moment with your partner.
It also means listening to yourself, being honest about what you want, and staying open to exploring together. Part of making new memories together means remaining open to discovery, which may require you to nudge beyond your comfort zone.
But, hey, you don’t want to get so stuck in the patterns of what you know that you miss out on new and exciting ways to connect and grow as a couple, right? So go ahead and see; it may turn out that you or your partner have a few secret fantasies still waiting to be played out.
How Do You Spice Up a Relationship?
As you and your significant other take action to bring your relationship to a whole new level, remember to focus most on what feels good and right for the two of you. Relationships are not one-size-fits-all, and the best way to spice yours up is by following what feels authentic and desirable for you.
But, with that in mind, we have a few ideas to help you get started.
Take a Trip
A change of scenery can add a much-needed sense of newness to your relationship that can help bring back that spark of honeymoon-phase possibility.
Traveling together can introduce you to new activities to enjoy with one another, break up your usual routine, provide you with more memories shared, and offer a lower-stress environment away from your everyday lives to get back into a groove sexually if that’s the type of mood you’re going for.
There is also so much freedom to center your trip on your shared interests as a couple or to give one of you a chance to expose the other to an interest you’d like to experience together.
A beach getaway, a romantic weekend cuddled up in a remote cabin (with your Awaken Arousal Oil easily accessible in your suitcase, we hope!), a scenic bike trip, a day of historic walking tours, an adventure vacation, or a foodie destination are just a few ideas to get you going.
And our Quickie Kit helps make all sex feel like vacation sex – but we designed it with romantic getaways in mind.
You can create a bucket list with your partner and plan your trips around what shared experiences you want the chance to check off together next. Your trip also doesn’t need to be extravagant or expensive to help bring you two closer together.
You can bond in the great outdoors with a camping weekend, take the train to a nearby destination you’ve never fully explored before, or wake up early for a day trip or mini-adventure. What matters most is that you are making time for each other and taking on new experiences hand-in-hand.
Break the Routine
Sometimes, all you need is a bit more attention to the little things. Putting extra effort into the small details of your relationship may be just what is missing to help break the cycle of predictability that has your relationship feeling stale.
When’s the last time you left a love note for your partner to find, surprised them with a small gift that made you think of them, or said “I love you” unprompted — simply because you do?
We often do a lot to show our partner we care at the start, but then it becomes a given down the line, and we forget the importance of these small acts of love. Intentionally bringing these moments back into your relationship can help deepen your bond and remind you why you fell in love with them in the first place.
Delving deeper into one another’s love language can be a powerful starting point to ensure you’re offering each other the type of affection your partner likes and responds to. From there, you can shake up your routine by incorporating words of affirmation, physical touch, or any other forms of appreciation into your day-to-day life — however it feels right.
Along with paying more attention to the little things, you can try something new together, such as taking a class, going on a hike, or cooking a fancy meal together.
And equally important is to set time for yourself, too. You know what they say – absence makes the heart grow fonder. If you are spending almost 24/7 with your boo, that could have a part to play in any boredom you’re feeling.
Pursue hobbies and passions outside of your relationship, spend time with your friends, and have alone time, too. Time away from each other can help fuel your passion once you're back in the same space.
Turn Up the (Sexual) Heat
Sex certainly isn’t everything, but for many of us, it is an important aspect of our romantic relationships. And, if that's the case for you, it may be frustrating to realize that the physical part of your relationship has taken a back seat.
It’s extremely normal for couples to have less sex in long-term relationships. Sometimes, we simply stop prioritizing sex as we tend to other parts of our lives. And while we may feel less of a need to make time for sex once we are more secure in our relationship, that doesn’t mean there aren’t benefits to doing just that.
While there shouldn’t be any pressure from yourself or your partner to have more sex than you want to have, if you are craving more sexual satisfaction, you may want to be intentional about turning up the heat between the sheets.
If you’re a planner, pencil sex in. Add it to your to-do list or physically schedule it into your calendar. While this may not feel super steamy, it can help build the habit, and don’t worry; there are plenty of ways to up the steam or “wow” factor before checking it off.
To get out of a rut or feel less bored by the state of your sex life, you can try role-playing (maybe even recreate your first date?), incorporate sex toys or vibrators, focus on foreplay, and bring intimacy melts or sex oil into the scene for to reach a deeper state of pleasure (if you catch our drift).
If your bedroom routine has become, well, routine, this is also a great time for you and your partner to discuss and play out each other’s erotic fantasies, kinks, and turn-ons.
And the best part is all forms of physical intimacy — from cuddling to kissing to vaginal stimulation — can release feel-good hormones like oxytocin that promote further bonding with your partner lasting beyond the bedroom. So go ahead and orgasm your way back to the sizzling connection you’ve been seeking.
The Bottom Line
If you’re feeling ready to spice things up with your partner, that is a good sign; it means that there is likely a lot of comfort and trust already built into your relationship. All you need is a few shifts in your day-to-day and a commitment to communication to vamp up the wow factor.
So go on and grab your partner — or send them a spicey text — so you two lovebirds can find ways to get those sparks flying again, together.
Sources:
What is maintenance sex? It may help strengthen your marriage | NBC
Oxytocin: What It Is, Function & Effects | Cleveland Clinic
The associations of intimacy and sexuality in daily life | PMC
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