Climaxing at the same time can be the definition of Couple Goals. When we orgasm, we’re at our most vulnerable and transformed. And being perfectly in sync, vulnerable and transformed together, is the definition of intimacy.
But if you’ve never managed it – which many couples haven’t – is coming together all it’s cracked up to be? Maybe, maybe not. It all depends on the two of you and your unique needs.
That said, if you want to give simultaneous orgasm a try, there are a few tips and tricks that can help you get there.
A quick note: this article mostly speaks to couples where one party has a penis and the other has a vulva, who engage in penetrative intercourse. Not to exclude anyone else, of course!
If the two of you have the same genital configuration, or you express yourselves sexually in other ways, you’re much more likely to be on the same page about how you access orgasm – when not being on the same page is a major reason why many couples find simultaneous orgasm elusive.
And some of these tips are for everybody, of course! So, want to know how to have simultaneous orgasms? Read on.
Common obstacles to coming together.
There are a few to keep in mind, some mental, some physical.
How to get past them.
If coming together isn’t easy, or even very challenging, there’s nothing wrong with you! It just might take a little extra effort.
A word on coital alignment technique.
CAT, colloquially known as “grinding the corn”, is a variation on the missionary position that focuses penetration in a vertical direction instead of horizontal, so the shaft of the penis rubs against the clitoris on its way in and out.
This can work very well for two reasons: it provides that all-important clitoral stimulation, and the slower thrust and shallower angle can buy more time for the penis-having half of the equation. (Or the dildo-wielding!)
It is a bit of an advanced technique that doesn’t accommodate some body shapes, so if you can’t pull it off, don’t worry about it! But like many Sex Tricks, it’s fun to try even if it doesn’t necessarily “work” as intended, and practice and patience make perfect.
Take your time.
When it comes to sex, we’re generally opposed to capital-G Goals. The journey is often more surprising, inspiring and enjoyable than the destination, and striving for a specific outcome can turn physical intimacy into something more like a past-due work project than transcendent mutual pleasure.
In sex and in life, we can sometimes achieve surprising results by not trying to – letting go of a linear, goal-driven narrative altogether and just being where we are, paying attention, and feeling everything we possibly can.
And sometimes success even sneaks up on us and leaves us breathless. However you get there, that sounds good to us!
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