Are you looking for a way to increase the intimacy between you and your partner? Skip the usual date plans and try mixing it up by becoming your partner’s masseur or masseuse.
And stop worrying about whether or not you’re skilled enough for that. It doesn’t take months of massage therapy school to give an amazing, sexy rub-down that’ll leave your partner feeling oh-so-good.
Here’s how anyone, even total beginners, can give an amazing sensual massage for a combination of stress relief and maybe a little naughty fun.
Start With Removing Sexpectations
Sensual massage can absolutely function as foreplay. After all, what’s sexier than getting your partner naked and slippery and letting your hands explore all over them? Not much, in our humble opinion.
However, that doesn’t mean that a sensual massage always has to end in penetrative sex. You can still achieve the same amount of intimacy, perhaps even more, without all of the sexpectations.
Being physically close with someone you’re attracted to (and in love with, although that’s not a requirement) naturally increases oxytocin levels in the body. Also known as the “love,” “lust,” or “cuddle” hormone, oxytocin is behind all of those warm, fuzzy feelings you get when you’re around people that are most important to you.
It’s also crucial for helping lower cortisol levels, a far less cuddly hormone created during periods of stress (not that you know what that’s like, right?). It’s a pretty beneficial little hormone. That sensual massage has potential health benefits in more ways than one.
That’s not to say you’re not allowed to change your mind and decide to take your massage to a more erotic level. Don't let that arousal go to waste if you find yourself worked up and turned on as you’re massaging your partner — that’s the point.
Just let your partner know you’re ready to go (we recommend leaning in and whispering in their ear), get their consent, and turn your sensual massage into a super hot bang sesh.
Dim the Lights
The first step in creating the optimal environment for a sensual massage is to dim the lights. Dimming the lights can help you and your partner feel less self-conscious or inhibited during what’s supposed to be a relaxing massage.
No matter how comfortable you are with your body, being naked under bright, fluorescent lights will make most people hyper-aware of their surroundings and lose focus on their partners. Lowered lights also set a more sensual, romantic atmosphere.
When you can’t see as clearly, your other senses naturally heighten. That means you (and your partner) will feel every touch more intensely, making the entire body more awake, sensitive, and present.
Set the Scene
In addition to dimming the lights before giving a sensual massage, you’ll want to get your room ready to go before asking your honey to disrobe.
We’ve got a few suggestions for the perfect setup:
- Break out your silkiest sheets (but make sure that any massage oil you plan to use won’t stain them!)
- Light a candle (look for sexy scents like rose, sandalwood, or ylang-ylang)
- Put on some laid-back music (old-school R&B slow jams are an excellent option, or check out Oprah’s playlist!)
- Make sure the temperature in the room is comfortable for your partner when they’re naked but not so hot that you’re sweating (save the sweat for after the massage)
Make Yourself Comfortable
Yes, giving your partner a sensual massage is about their body, but you deserve to be comfortable too. Wear something that makes you feel sexy but light enough to move around easily.
It’s also good to stretch your muscles out before digging in (especially your arm and hand muscles, which will be doing most of the work).
Ask If There Are Any "No-Touch" Zones
Even a professional massage session doesn’t have to involve the whole body if you’re uncomfortable with it. Before your partner disrobes, ask them if there are any parts of their body they would prefer you avoid, and then respect those requests.
Even if your partner is comfortable with you touching their entire body, they’ll appreciate the respect of asking about their boundaries.
Use Massage Oil
The key to any good massage is the right massage oil. It’s next to impossible to rub your hands oil-less across your partner’s skin without creating an uncomfortable amount of heat and friction.
Massage oil keeps your hands slippery and their skin lubricated, so you can easily glide across the skin.
You can use lotion or almond oil in a pinch, but there are far better options. For instance, our Intimacy Sex Oil is the perfect oil for a sensual massage because it doubles as lube. It has all you need to massage while giving you the flexibility to lube up and get it on if the mood strikes.
We may be impartial, but we highly recommend it (and so do our partners!).
Communicate With Your Partner
Like most things in life, a good sensual massage starts with quality communication with your partner. Start by discussing any boundaries and sexpectations either of you may have.
Then, fill your partner in about what to expect during the massage, and get their preferences on the motions and pressure level they want you to use. During the massage, keep the communication flowing as needed.
Tell your partner before making any big moves, and ask for their feedback regularly. Nothing says “I care about you” quite like dedicating your time to pampering your partner in a way that feels comfortable to them.
Start With a Light Touch
Unlike deep tissue massage, Swedish massage, or therapeutic massage, which all rely on a firmer pressure to relax the muscles and break up any knots, sensual massage is about making your partner feel good (and turning them on).
You don’t need to use the same pressure a professional massage therapist would because the goal isn’t the same. Start with a light touch and build pressure if required or requested.
Start With the Shoulders, Upper Back, Butt, and Thighs
The best progression for a full-body massage is from head to toe. Start with your partner on their stomach. Using gentle to medium pressure, knead their shoulder muscles and upper back.
Alternate with extra-light touching, using your fingertips and fingernails (lightly!), and reapply massage oil to ensure your hands keep gliding across the skin. Use this same technique down their back until reaching their butt and thighs. Throw in the occasional kiss to keep it extra intimate.
One of our favorite techniques is to use your palm to apply firm pressure to the back of the thigh, then push upward over the glute muscles.
Don’t forget this is a sensual massage, so use a light touch like gently raking over their buttocks with your fingernails and nibbling on their sensitive spots. Remember to take your time and pay attention to every part of the body they’re comfortable with you touching.
You can stop here if you want to keep your massage from getting too sexual. But if you’re ready to explore your partner further and take things to the next level, keep reading.
Build Pleasure With Gentle Attention to the Genitals
You can use many of the same sensual massage techniques for below-the-belt massage. Be gentle and explore your partner even more intimately, taking time to build their arousal level.
This is an excellent time to learn more about what turns your partner on and try new ways of touching them. You may also want to consider tantric massage with your partner, which uses an ancient Indian practice called tantra.
Tantra aims to move sexual energy throughout the body for healing, transformation, and enlightenment. When you and your partner practice tantric massage, you weave your energies together as you explore each other's erogenous zones. The goal of this type of massage is the physical sensations and the journey, not just getting off.
If you or your partner is a cisgender woman, Awaken Arousal Oil can help you enjoy those sensations even more. Just apply the oil to the vulva, clitoris, and vagina for enhanced pleasure and sensation.
Slowly Arouse and Tease Your Partner
To extend your partner’s pleasure even further, try edging. If you’re unfamiliar with the concept, edging is a technique to delay orgasms by stopping them just before they occur.
Edging can lead to more extended periods of sexual pleasure and intense orgasms when they finallyhappen. It has also been scientifically linked to helping counteract premature ejaculation.
To edge your partner, use this pattern:
- Stimulate your partner right to the “edge” of orgasm
- Reduce or stop stimulation to delay orgasm
- Wait for the refractory period to simmer enough to continue
- Increase the stimulation again, taking your partner back to the “edge”
- Repeat as necessary until you’re both ready for a grand finish
Sensual massage can take the intimacy you share with your partner up a notch. While the ending of that massage is totally up to you, using Intimacy Sex Oil to massage your partner leaves the option open if you choose to go for it!
The orgasmic history of oxytocin: Love, lust, and labor | PMC
What is “edging,” and why might it be employed? | ISSM
Premature Ejaculation: Aetiology and Treatment Strategies | PMC
50 Sensual Songs to Add to Your Sex Playlist | Oprah Daily
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