Luna Dietrich, "the Pusssy Witch", is a pleasure-centered sex educator, daily journaler, and embodied leadership coach, whose desire is to create a world of life-affirming, consensual relationships.
We are born to experience pleasure in our bodies. In fact, we are all multi-orgasmic beings. However, if you are like many people, receiving and feeling pleasure – let alone multi-orgasmic pleasure – can be really challenging. It may be hard to get out of your head and into your body, for many reasons.
To this I want to say that it’s not you. It’s pleasure oppression.
Pleasure oppression can make accessing our pleasure potential really hard. Pleasure oppression is an umbrella term I like to use that includes things like sexism, racism, ableism, and purity culture. It also includes things like systemic dissociation and collective guilt, and lack of comprehensive sex ed.
Pleasure oppression includes any oppression that gets in the way of you loving and being in touch with your body, and prioritizing your pleasure. Giving our collective struggle a name helps make it visible and thus easier to notice.
When it’s no longer invisible, it’s easier to stop internalizing it as a personal failure – which can help lessen any shame we might be feeling. Naming the bigger system at play can make it more tangible, and allow us to separate from it so we can choose how to respond.
One radical way of responding is fiercely going after pleasure. Here, I’ll share my personal tips on how to have MULTIPLE ORGASMS through my lived experience of having a vulva.
1.) Increase Your Somatic Pleasure Potential.
Regularly practice increasing your pleasure potential in day-to-day life. Having an orgasm is a lot about staying with a big sensation without mentally checking out of your body, which can be scary or overwhelming to the nervous system.
So practicing this regularly as a way to build our pleasure potential can be really helpful. Regularly practice somatically noticing pleasure in your body. Notice when something good is happening and how joy feels in your body. Notice what sensations you are experiencing.
For example: Do you feel expansion, tingling, warmth, lightness, or fullness? All of these are sensations that your body is experiencing through the senses. Practice noticing these sensations, when and how they show up,and be very present with them.
This increases your pleasure capacity over time. It lets you sit with the good stuff and not push it away. It seems wild to think that we would reject the good stuff, but pleasure can be a vulnerable experience. When pain or struggle is what’s familiar – or the belief that good things need to be “earned” and “deserved” – pleasure and big sensation can feel really unsafe.
2.) Celebrate everything.
Maybe you are practiced at having one orgasm, but having multiples feels challenging or out of reach. It's about really letting yourself be with whatever sensation is happening in your body.
For example, sometimes after experiencing a big peak orgasm, there can be a “letdown” where it feels like all that erotic charge has completely dissipated. Which, if we make a story about it, can lead to disappointment or discouragement to build up that erotic charge again. It can feel like you’ve lost all momentum.
This story of disappointment or discouragement can make it challenging to just let yourself be with the sensation of the “letdown” in a way that would allow it to also feel pleasurable.
My suggestion or invitation for you is to really let yourself be in the sensation of the post-orgasm feel – without judgment. Let yourself savor it. I’ve found an empty, silent bliss in these spaces.
When we have a goal, like experiencing multiple orgasms, we can get hyper-focused on “achievement” and miss all the small steps along the way. This can feel discouraging, and maybe even cause you to give up on your goal.
That’s why it's so important to celebrate everything. Celebrate every orgasm, like “fuck yeah that was sooooo fun! Look what my body can do! Right on!” You get the point.
The cool part about celebrating the small wins is that celebration is generative. This means that it helps us have the energy to go on again and again and again.
When we really allow, savor, and celebrate, it gives our mind and our body the cues to have more of THAT! Having multiple orgasms can be a process not unlike running a marathon. You have to be gentle with yourself, and celebrate each mile. Each win. Each time all you managed to do was tie your shoelaces.
3.) Create a sexy context.
Pleasure is context-dependent, and there are many things that can influence what feels, or is experienced as, pleasurable. Like Emily Nagoski says, turn on the “ons” and off the “offs”. All this means is try to take away any blocks to arousal, while amplifying what heightens it.
Turning off the “offs” can look like many things, and will be different for everyone. For example, if dirty sheets distract you, get fresh-smelling sheets. If a bright light is annoying, dim it. Turn that phone on airplane mode. If you feel insecure about your body, listen to a meditation that is all about loving your body and be sure to follow mostly social media and art that represents YOUR body, as it is right now.
Be well rested. A big one I see, that might be a bit harder than dimming a light, is to end relationships that make you feel crappy about yourself – like if a lover is always commenting on your body.. If you have sexual trauma, prioritize finding some form of therapy.
I know, I know, all easier said than done. But these are all potential pleasure blocks, and while we will never take away all of the stressors, even just doing a few things can be unbelievably inspiring, arousing, and pleasure-giving.
Now to the fun part: turning on the “ons” This is all about paying attention to what turns you on. Reading erotica? Roleplaying a scene that feels taboo or naughty? Bringing in more sensual pleasure, like sights, sounds, smells and texture? Receiving massage or self-massage? Touching specific parts of your body? Twerking your hips? Self-pleasuring before going on a date? Go on a treasure hunt and find the things that already feel pleasurable to you and do more of them, or find ways to integrate them into your life.
4.) Breath and Sound
Breath and sound can often help you in your quest to multiple orgasms and a deeper experience of pleasure, because both of these techniques help you stay in your body and pay attention to the sensations that are happening.
Wondering how to use these techniques?
First, try “breathing into” the area of your body that is being stimulated with long, slow, and deep breaths. Practice visualizing the breath “going to” that area of your body, and on each exhale, moan, or make the sound “ahhhhh”. This sound can help because your mouth is open and your jaw is relaxed, allowing more energy/emotion to move.
Don’t try to make moans that you think will sound sexy. Make moans that feel authentic to your body. They may sound like you are a dying animal and that’s fine! Authenticity is the definition of sexy.
This breathing and moaning helps bring awareness to the sensation that is happening in your body, and it helps with overall relaxation. It’s hard to receive pleasure if you’re stressed out, and it's especially hard if you’re not paying attention to the sensations that are happening.
That’s why receiving is active. You are actively choosing to bring your awareness to the area that is touched through breath and expression to the point of sensation, again and again. As you do this, you may notice that pleasure starts to move throughout your whole body, or beyond the area that is being touched. Allow it to happen and keep breathing and moaning.
5.) Bring On the Vibrator
There is no shame in getting help when you are on a quest for the multi-orgasmic experience. I prefer using a wand vibrator that is big enough to be directly on my clit but also touching on my surrounding vulva. For me, the powerful but radiating pressure of the head of the wand helps bring in deep sensation and hits on all sorts of pleasure points.
The trick here is to use all of the above techniques while using a vibrator. For example, without using sound and breath, a vibrator can feel somatically overwhelming and it can be hard to stick with it. Our mind will want to distract us.
A vibrator can be something fun to play with, as you practice how much sensation you can enjoy in your body before you drift off with your mind. But if it feels too intense, you never ever have to endure it! Let it be fun. When it’s not, change it up.
Movement is profoundly useful in helping us feel more pleasurable sensations in our bodies. Another symptom of pleasure oppression is the culture of sitting at desks all day and dissociating in front of screens, putting the mind on a pedestal above the body. Most of us are cut off from the waist down (some might even feel cut off from the neck down!). Any movement that helps engage your legs and your hips can be helpful here.
Move your thighs, stomp your feet on the ground. Get a foot massage. Shake your hips. Twerk. Self-massage your pelvic region. Activating these areas can break up that stagnancy and bring more LIFE into our bodies. Shaking my hips and squeezing and pushing out on my pelvic floor can really help me orgasm.
A common misconception for orgasms is that you need to tighten and clench. While this definitely works, I've found that to have the stamina to have multiple orgasms, the practice of bearing down like I am pushing something out of me really helps. It allows me to have different kinds of pleasure and orgasms, and it also helps me with the relaxation and expansion that I need to be able to do this whole thing for multiple rounds.
To summarize, you’re amazing and your body is amazing. If you have been trying to access more pleasure and multiple orgasms without luck, it’s not you – it’s pleasure oppression.
There are very real reasons why you might have been struggling with this goal, and the solution is not a quick fix. Rather, it is a continuous tending to your pleasure and expanding what is possible for you to somatically experience and hold in your body.
Going after multiple orgasms can be a great way to be disruptive, and allow yourself to experience much more pleasure and joy than our culture deems appropriate. But the most important thing is this: you get to choose how to respond to pleasure oppression. What does that look like for you?
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