Talk Pleasure to Me
An Honest Intimacy Conversation with Stevi Sesin, certified intimacy coach and sex educator
Talk Pleasure to Me is our series where we talk to experts on sex, relationships, and caring for your body (& mind) so you can get inspired on your pleasure journey and learn from the best.
Stevi Sesin is a certified intimacy coach, sex educator, and the creator behind Intimacy Hotline — a space where judgment-free conversations around sex, pleasure, and emotional clarity take their spot in the limelight. With a background in photography and years of experience in client-centered roles, Stevi brings a uniquely empathetic and visual approach to helping individuals and couples feel seen, heard, and turned on by their own stories. Stevi’s work centers around dismantling shame and helping clients reconnect to their bodies, boundaries, and turn-ons. Whether working with people curious about kink, healing from body-image issues, or just wanting dating to feel fun again, Stevi meets each client with honesty, humor, and practical strategies that make growth feel possible.
We chatted with Stevi about all things BDSM for beginners. Namely, what it is, what it isn’t, and why so many people find it exciting, empowering, and even healing. She answers questions for beginners like, “What does BDSM mean?” Plus, she shares standard bdsm terms and types of bdsm so any beginner can feel comfortable dipping their toe into the kinky pool — even if that just means getting curious by reading this article.
What is BDSM?
It’s hard to define BDSM, since BDSM is a broad umbrella term that covers various erotic practices involving power exchange, physical sensation, and psychological play. Despite what mainstream media might suggest, BDSM sex and intimacy is about more than whips and chains, it’s about consent, communication, and connection.
What does BDSM stand for?
BDSM stands for:
- Bondage and Discipline
- Dominance and Submission
- Sadism and Masochism
Each pairing represents a different element of play and not everyone who’s into the BDSM kink does all of them.
What are the types of BDSM?
There are so many ways to explore BDSM. Here are a few examples:
- Bondage: Restriction using ropes, cuffs, or scarves.
- Discipline: Rules and punishments for control or structure.
- Dominance/Submission (Dom/sub): A power dynamic where one person takes control and the other yields.
- Sadism/Masochism: Giving or receiving pain for pleasure.
You might be into one, all, or a mix. It’s about discovering what works for you.
What is a dom and sub?
In BDSM, a Dom is the person who holds power, gives orders, or guides the scene. A Sub is the one who gives up that power: either in a physical, emotional, or psychological way. But remember: the sub actually holds the most power, because everything hinges on enthusiastic, ongoing consent.
Why do people like BDSM?
People enjoy BDSM for many reasons. It can offer:
- A safe space to explore fantasies
- A way to experience intense pleasure or trust
- A release of control (or a chance to take it)
- Heightened intimacy and vulnerability
It’s not about violence, it’s about intention, trust, and play.
What are some basic BDSM toys and tools?
Some beginner-friendly BDSM tools include:
- Blindfolds: Enhance sensation and anticipation
- Cuffs or rope: For light bondage
- Crops, paddles or floggers: For impact play
- Collars or leashes: For power dynamics
- Wartenberg wheel: For prickly, tingling sensations
Always do research, communicate boundaries, and start light.
What are some basic BDSM terms I should know?
Here are a few terms you’ll want to know:
- Scene: A BDSM encounter or experience
- Aftercare: Emotional/physical care given after a scene
- Safeword: A word that immediately stops everything
- Switch: Someone who enjoys both dominant and submissive roles
What else should a beginner know about BDSM?
Consent is the non-negotiable foundation of BDSM.
BDSM intercourse (or play) isn't about pain or punishment, it’s about pleasure, power, and play. It’s one of the most intentional, communicative forms of sex you can have. If you're curious, explore slowly, do your research, and talk openly with your partner(s). There’s no ‘one way’ to be kinky, just the way that feels good and safe for you.
Ready to take the next step? Read our list of 12 new things to try in bed to spice things up
How can someone book a session with you?
You can press the "call me" button on my website, which takes you to my contact page. There's a contact form you can fill out, which sends me an email. I’ll get back to you within two business days. From there, we would arrange a free 15 minute "discovery call,” where we'd chat and see if we want to work together.
Wanna be interviewed for this series?
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