Weed lube sounds like an urban legend, but a quick Google search and survey of friends proved that it is a very real product with a massive cult following. FORIA Awaken, the latest innovation in marijuana-spiked lubricant, hits markets in late April and is an organic blend of eight supposed plant aphrodisiacs, leaving out the THC so it's legally accessible anywhere. FORIA's first product, Pleasure, is a beloved classic and an innovator in the bourgeoning get-high-via-your-vag movement.
Per the press release, FORIA Awaken will: enhance sensation, increase desire, improve lubrication, heighten awareness, deepen orgasms, and relax your body. As a high-powered career woman who is often too stressed to masturbate—should I move to LA?—I figured this edible, vegan, and gluten-free (!) lube would be a welcome addition to my routine, perhaps in conjunction with a vibrator. I applied the lube liberally to my clitoris, inner and outer labia, and inside my vagina, as instructed, and turned on my favorite device.
Wow?! 10/10. Everything felt incredible, though I'm devastated weed lube will now have to be a regular expense for the rest of my life. (Thirty-ml bottles cost around $48.) While masturbating, I felt each sensation and touch was intensified, and I was more relaxed than I have been in a long time. Fuck human partners!
Their O.G. product, FORIA Pleasure—which contains THC—was even more spectacular. Every surface felt relaxed and super-sensitive to touch.
Every time I peed it smelled like weed.
Even though this product offers you a vehicle for shoving weed into your vagina, this isn't necessarily a sex thing. For women with terrible period cramps, the vaginal suppositories from FORIA harness the muscle-relaxing and pain-relieving properties of cannabis—without inducing a psychotropic "high"—and alleviate the back pain, abdominal cramping, and general achiness associated with menstruation. A single serving contains 60 mg of THC, 10 mg of CBD, and cocoa butter, and once you push it as far as you can into your vagina, the whole thing dissolves and starts working pretty quickly.
While I wasn't menstruating when I tried these, my body did feel tense. It was Easter Sunday, and I was nervous about seeing a Broadway play—The Little Foxes starring Cynthia Nixon and Laura Linney—with my friend's family. Plays, dramatic and long, are hard for me. So two hours before the show, I followed the product's accompanying instructions, put a pillow under my butt, and jutted my pelvis towards the ceiling. I inserted the suppository as far as I could, and it dissolved almost instantly. I stayed in that position, naked, for ten minutes as the pug I'm babysitting jumped on the bed to see what was happening, running back and forth across my face.
After 20 minutes, my muscles did feel super-relaxed, and while in retrospect I realized this experience could have gone terribly wrong, that afternoon I enjoyed the play spectacularly. I didn't even get upset or agitated when Nixon's character yelled "I hope you die—SOON" at someone. I can't wait to try these when I actually have period cramps. (That night, my masturbating experience was top-notch, and I imagine there was a correlation.)
From a discharge perspective, my underpants remained substance-free, except every time I peed it smelled like weed.
Since the headline implies I tried all of these products, I held these pen-cap-sized capsules in my hand and considered putting them in my butt, which is a lot farther than most people go with anal suppositories. Anal has never been anything but excruciating for me, so I couldn't bring myself to insert them. There was nothing sexual I felt like doing with my butt or having someone do with my butt. Even sex columnists have lines.